The time she said YES

April 22, 2017

This is my longest post ever.  But maybe my favorite one ever, because it includes great stories from several friends who were involved in the big event.  I hope you enjoy!

The package arrived at my office in late March, after dad had investigated the shipping costs, along with the related insurance and duty.  Ever since I had in my mind to propose to Zosia, there was one specific ring I wanted her to have, and I was thrilled when dad agreed to send it.  I opened the package at my desk, hands slightly trembling due to the memories it invoked.  I unwrapped the cloth pouch and unfolded the cotton wrap.  In my hand was a beautiful diamond ring.  My mom's diamond ring.

Less than 8 months after she passed away, I could feel her spirit with me.  I nearly started crying right there.  I wanted to show the girls on my team, but had to take a few minutes to compose myself. After showing them the ring, everything became more real.  I was never so excited to ask Zosia if we could spend the rest of our lives together.

The Plan

It took a while to think of a good plan.  I remember my friend Byron asking me about all the different ways he wanted to propose to his now-wife.  He had a new idea every week, and I told him not to stress about it, because anything was gonna be awesome.  But when it was my turn, I had the same struggle.  For some reason I couldn't imagine some sunset stroll capped off with getting on a knee, or proposing at the top of the Eiffel Tower.  That seemed too romantic.  Asking her while sitting at home in sweat pants, playing Clash of Clans, was somehow more realistic.  But of course I couldn't do that.  It needed to be unique, memorable and fun, but also one that wouldn't embarrass me when we told the story!  Anything involving sweat pants and Clash of Clans would classify as embarrassing.  After a couple weeks of contemplation, I decided I'd do it some time between her birthday (April 21) and the end of our triathlon camp in Portugal (May 3).  Portugal was romantic after all....

Then one day at work, Monika told me about someone putting an engagement ring into a Kinder Surprise (a chocolate egg with a small toy inside).  Zosia loves chocolate, and she loves opening gifts, so this could be a perfect option.  But I didn't want to simply give her a chocolate egg and suddenly ask her to marry me.  I needed more.  After a couple days of brainstorming, everything just clicked.  The plan couldn't be more perfect.  The timing was right, and she would love it.  

A few months earlier, we went to Poznan for a weekend and did a scavenger hunt in the city, where we had to decipher clues and venture around different parts of town.  We both had a lot of fun, and ever since then, she always checks for city scavenger hunts wherever we go.  She even suggested that I create and sell one in Warsaw, since I made one for my birthday party a couple years back.  So, I decided to make one, just for her, where each clue would be included inside a Kinder Surprise.  The first clue would lead her to the next location, where she'd get the next egg, and so on.  Eventually the engagement ring would be inside the final egg.  So I performed some surgery on the eggs, taking out the toys and putting in the clues.  I also numbered the eggs to make sure they didn't get mixed up, and kept a rubber band around them until the quest started to keep them from falling apart.  

Zosia's prize for completing the quest

I wasn't sure how to hide eggs around the city so no one else would take them, especially one with such valuable contents.  So, the next part of the idea materialized: to involve her friends, her mom and her brother.  Each person would be the guardian of an egg, and would give the egg to Zosia if she found them and completed a certain challenge.  Because different people were involved, it now made sense for me to wait with the final egg, rather than going on the quest with her.  So the next question was how to get Zosia to do the scavenger hunt without me.  That meant involving her "Fairy Godmother", Patrizia, who played FGM to Zosia's character in a skit we did recently for Ken and Marta's wedding (Zosia played Marta, while Patrizia was the FGM, helping her on her quest for love).   Patrizia was also perfect because she is a great photographer, and Zosia would not think twice about Pat taking photos along the way - THANKS PATRIZIA FOR THE PHOTOS!!!  Iza, Alan, Andy, Dorota, and Noemi also generously agreed to help in any way possible, and I explained the plan only a few days before the big day.  I didn't want to risk the surprise being leaked. I didn't even tell Zosia's brother and mom my intention; I simply asked them to meet me before the quest, and I would explain.  It was really hard not to tell people - I obviously wanted it to be a surprise, but I also wanted to tell the world.  

The Set-up

Now that the plan was in place, I needed a way to set it up.  How could I start her on her journey?  On Zosia's birthday (April 21st), we stopped by a shop and I casually purchased a Kinder Surprise egg.  Of course, her choco-radar noticed it, so I knew she would inevitably ask me for a bite.   When she wasn't looking, I hid the new egg in my bag and pulled out the one in which I had already put the first clue the day before; so now I was holding Fixed Egg #1.  Her inability to resist chocolate played perfectly into my hands, and within 3 seconds, she asked for some.  I gave it to her, and she told me how much it reminded me of her childhood.  She devoured half of it without breathing, almost eating the capsule which held the clue.

Please try not to eat the plastic...

She was a bit disappointed not to find a toy, so she read the paper, which wished her a happy birthday.  It told her to show up the next day at a specified time and location, and this totally confused her.  She couldn't understand how the Kinder egg knew it was her birthday!  I knew her reaction would be priceless, so I filmed it.   

Part 1: Zosia explains how Kinder Surprises bring her back to childhood

Part 2: Zosia opens the egg and confusion ensues

Part 3: Zosia tries to explain it to Ken

Part 4: Still trying to wrap her head around it

That evening, we played mini-golf with a few friends for her birthday, and she was still confused.  She told the story to everyone and eventually became convinced that there might be some Kinder flash mob or commercial being filmed the next day, and that she was invited (and it only included people with birthdays on the previous day, and who could read English - sorry for those little Polish kids who didn't get a toy and instead got some paper in a language they couldn't read!).  She spent some time that night Googling "Kinder Surprise commercial in Warsaw" but didn't find anything.  Ironically she found a video on how to open chocolate eggs and to re-seal them using a lighter to melt the chocolate so the pieces stick back together.  I wish I'd thought of that!

The next morning (April 22nd - I'm writing it here so I don't forget), I checked that everything was in place; at the bar where I'd give her the final egg, at the restaurant where we'd have the after party (where her surprise birthday party had already been planned), that Zosia was ready to be in a Kinder commercial, and that our guest from London was on her way.  Our dear Iza, who just moved to London, flew back to Warsaw for the day to share the moment with us.  Her involvement, along with all the others, made this day one that we'll cherish forever.  

The Quest

Everyone met me in Karmnik about an hour before Zosia was meant to start her scavenger hunt.  They helped to keep me relaxed with small talk, hugs, and a couple drinks, while we went over the plan.  Everyone was so willing to play their parts, even those who had to dress in some attention-grabbing costumes.  Doremi suggested a change to my original plan, which made it even better.  These girls always have creative ideas!  

This was also the time to tell Zosia's mom and brother why I asked them to come.  Until this moment, they thought they were helping plan Zosia's surprise birthday party later that day.  So I explained to them in mixed English-Polish, that I wanted to ask Zosia to marry me.  Her mom paused for a few seconds, so I wasn't sure if I had said the right thing in Polish!  Tomek asked her if she understood, she nodded and a tear appeared in her eye.  I had to assume it was a tear of happiness, otherwise the hug that I gave her would have been really awkward.  I honestly think that was the hardest part of the night.  Of course, I knew they would be supportive and happy, but I can't explain how relieved I was to finally tell them.  

The rest of the story is quite long, and since I was not with Zosia during the quest, I asked the team involved to write a few words.  

There's no commercial...

Zosia went to the meeting spot, which was written in the egg she received the previous day, and Patrizia intercepted her in her Fairy Godmother costume.  She gave Zosia the news that there was no commercial, but that I was missing, and they had to find me.  

The quest begins...and Zosia's mouth is full of chocolate

Patrizia:  "17.20, in from of the Presidential Palace. Ok, she is supposed to come at 17.30. Shall I wear already the wig or wait? How will this armed guard just nearby me react to a nice lady (me) dressed like a silver fairy godmother, taking out of the purse a white wig and wear it in front of the Presidential Palace? Uh. Well let's try. Cannot risk Zosia sees me without it. So I take out the wig and when I bend the head to wear it, I cross the eyes of the astonished soldier. Ok, ok. So let's take a step back and explain. "Poczekam na koleżanka. One bierze ślub". Technically speaking it's not correct, she will say YES (or NO) only in an hour or so... but this seems a door opening, the guy relaxes, decides I am not dangerous (well, mistake, man!) and leaves me alone.  Lessons learned from the 10-15 minutes I was standing in front of the Presidential Palace waiting for Zosia dressed as a fairy godmother.... no one seemed to notice. Dorota-Mermaid and her splendid dress-undress had a bigger success in the Old Market Square. Tristan, let's talk about how you give roles next time you get engaged. Ah sorry, fair enough, no next time 😉

Well, anyhow, I am there, Zosia comes and finally sees me. Her eyes blank out. This must be her neurons making the effort of connecting dots and not managing. She tells me it's like this since yesterday, she does not know what's going on, it's like a dream, and there was a kinder egg, and it was empty, and now again, another egg and it's empty, another message... big, big excitement!!!

Aaaahhhhh....  this will be fun, I think. Staying with Zosia all the time today and being exposed to such an enormous dose of genuine surprise and vivid curiosity and unarmed happiness will be a resource of energy for the months to come 🙂

And so it was. Stay tuned and read how it goes on..."

Look for Tristan in his favorite bar

The next clue told her that I was missing, and she should look for me in my favorite bar.  Of course, she knows that it's Głębokie Gardło, where I have my name on a plaque on the wall.  It's also the place where she first met Iza.  So it was fitting to have Iza waiting there with the next egg.  

Iza: "When Trizzie messaged me revealing what the super secret plan for the already secret party was I got my flights straight away. Got to the secret meeting location for the super secret within the secret party straight from the airport and (knowing all the even more secret details) got myself prepared for a complete spontaneous emotional disintegration of Zosia. 

I think she had already realized she was not taking part in the Kinder Surprise advert by the time she got to GG, which was the first checkpoint on her treasure hunt. I had taken a strategic spot at one of the high tables, my back facing the door (just to make it a bit trickier, sorry Z😉 ) and my face facing the glass wall so giving me a nice cheeky peak at who was walking in. So me , 3 shots wisniowka (1 for Z, one for the Fairy Godmother Patrizia and one for myself) and a kinder surprise with further directions were patiently waiting for the girls to show up. I saw them walking in. Z sat right behind me and then I heard “This girl looks like Iza form behind!” (though I am not sure if this was Z making this comment or Patrizia giving Z hints). Also not sure how the kinder surprise in a shot glass did not give me away. Think Z was still a little confused about what was actually going on. Anyways, after giggling to myself for a good minute Z (with some serious hints from Patrizia) finally realized it was me and not my look-alike sitting at that table. That was it.  Complete spontaneous emotional disintegration of Z number 1 of the eve (I believe) and poor thing had no idea what was yet to come. After a lot of “OhMyGodWhatAreYouDoingHereYouAreInLondon” (just imagine it said on one breath, real fast, and in an overly excited high pitch voice) and some serious hugs, taken by this surprise, Z did not even object taking a whole shot of wisniowka. And off she was, looking for a mighty warrior near the castle who was supposed to help her find Trizzie."

Shocked to see Iza!

After a shot and another chocolate egg...

Defeat the mighty warrior

That mighty warrior is Andy.  Andy and I have run with a charity organization called "Spartanie Dzieciom", when we dress like spartans and do various running races.  So, Andy already had the outfit.  He waited in front of the Warsaw castle, with tourists wondering if he was going to put on some kind of show.  To help reduce his level of shame, he wore sunglasses under his helmet, because that's what hip spartans do.  Once found, Zosia had to defeat him in a sword fight, and if so, she'd get the next egg.

Andy: "Standing outside the royal castle in Warsaw's old town I was still recovering from a cold, but warmed up by a couple of whisky cocktails and ready for my battle with the fair princess Zosienka.  The spartan uniform of cape, helmet, shield, crotch, shin and forearm guards didn't provide much cover and certainly got a lot of attention in the old town square.

I am kind of shy and standing bare chested with a red cape in the middle of the most visited site of Warsaw at 6pm on a Saturday is not a place to shy away from strangers. At the same time there is no way on earth I was going to miss the chance to be a part of Tristan and Zosia's romantic chocolate themed treasure hunt. Also, Tristan promised me that if I beat Zosia in a stick fight I'd get to keep the diamond ring.

After what seemed like forever, but was probably 10 minutes, Zosia and her Italian fairy godmother turned up looking for a warrior to help. But she didn't recognize me at first, because of my superhuman physique, or maybe because I was wearing sunglasses under my helmet.  I offered to give her more information on the condition that she beat me in a battle.

Zosia seemed more than just a little confused by this time and I'm not sure if she didn't really want to win, she had no idea what was going on, or just being Zosia didn't want to harm a fly ... or a mighty Spartan warrior like me. Despite putting down some of my best street fighting moves, she defeated me and got the next clue leading her to a Pizza Hut across the road.

I walked them over for the next challenge then went to meet the rest of team "Let's Get Tristan And Zosia Engaged" ("Leg Tazer", as I secretly called us).

On the way over I was mocked and pointed at. One child actually booed me and gave me the thumbs down. He told me in Polish "Spartans didn't wear glasses". Maybe the sunglasses were unnecessary after all, but I didn't care. I was just happy to have been able to take part in the coolest engagement of the sweetest couple."

After she realizes it's Andy

Epic battle - with a tourist taking photos

Pizza my heart

Alan was waiting in Pizza Hut, the restaurant to which I agreed with Zosia I would go with her once and only once in my life.  She still hasn't redeemed this once in a lifetime offer, so I thought she'd appreciate one extra trip there.  Plus, Alan and Zosia have a history of devouring giant pizzas after our Thursday fitness training, so a pizza eating competition was Z's next challenge.  On this day, she'd be able to savagely eat some Pizza Hut and still have one trip left for later.

Alan: "My part in this story involved something that both Zosia and I get really excited about - food! Or more specifically, eating pizza 🙂 I went to Pizza Hut in the old town and waited for Zosia. The biggest challenge for me was to make sure that the pizza arrived in time for when Zosia showed up. Once I heard from Iza that Zosia had made it to the second point on her quest, I ordered the best pizza I could find on the menu, prosciutto and rucola on a thin Italian base - mmmm. Now I just had to wait... 

Really soon (too soon) after that, I heard she'd defeated Andy the Spartan in battle and was just a few hundred metres away. But the pizza still wasn't there... A few minutes later Zosia shows up with her fairy godmother Patrizia, and goes "Alan, what are you doing here?!?". She was so confused and happy it was adorable. She sat down (still no pizza...) and explained chaotically what had been happening, that she'd seen Iza, there was supposed to be a commercial, said "what's going on??!!?" a few times and then that she can't find Tristan. At this point the pizza finally (to me it seemed to take forever) showed up. So I told her if she wants to find out where Tris is, she has to beat me in a pizza eating contest! We both took our slices, counted down and attacked the food!! Before I could really get started Zosia had managed to stuff the whole thing into her mouth and was grinning 🙂

Disappointed to lose, but happy for Zosia, I gave her the next clue, we exchanged half of a kinder egg for a slice of pizza, and off she went, leaving me with the rest of the pizza 🙂"

Probably Zosia's favorite challenge of the day

After giving Alan his first defeat in a food competition, they read the next clue

The Little Mermaid

The next stop was to seek help from the symbol of Warsaw - the mermaid.  There is a statue of the mermaid in the Old Town square, which is where she headed, but to her surprise, she encountered a fisherman (Noemi).  I have to give a lot of credit to the girls for their creativity with the situation and the costumes (and according to tradition, Noemi bought a full-on costume, which she returned to Decathlon the next day).

Dorota: "Doremi aka the Fisherwoman (Noemi) and Mermaid (Dorota) were waiting for Zosia at the main square of the Old Town where the famous Mermaid of Warsaw sculpture is located. At first they didn't get that much attention despite the flashing pink tail of the Mermaid and a huge net that the Fisherwoman was carrying. It's probably because the Mermaid's boobs were still hidden under a jacket. But that was soon to change... When Doremi got info from Alan that Zosia was on her way all the fun began! Doremi separated. The Fisherwoman started walking around the area where Zosia was about to appear from. With her oversized fisherman outfit and rain boots (and I mean REAAALLY oversized) and a huge net, she looked hilarious! To make it even funnier she started screaming "net for a mermaid, net for a mermaid, only 5 zloty"! Yep, she really did. People were smiling and laughing,  some Spanish tourists approached her and she explained to them what was exactly happening. They were really impressed to hear that it was all part of an engagement scavenger hunt! When Zosia and the Fairy Godmother showed up they obviously couldn't stop laughing too, but the Fisherwoman explained to Zosia in a very serious voice that her task is now to catch the Mermaid in the net... but make sure it's a live mermaid so that she wouldn't start harassing this very important sculpture (wouldn't be cool if she got arrested on her bday). Zosia was very concerned and said: "but mermaids don't exist ANY MORE"! But after a few moments she noticed a pink, flashing and very alive mermaid sitting on the bench in the corner of the square. By that time the Mermaid was already fully prepared: jacket off (ouch -  cold), breasts out, funny pose! Noises all around, screaming, laughing, clapping hands... but  the Mermaid didn't pay attention to any of that as she was already in a survival mode - Zosia was approaching with a huge net! The Mermaid started running (I mean swimming) around the square, there was applause and even more laughter but wait... why was Zosia not running after the Mermaid? Yep, there she was bent in half and laughing too! The Fisherwoman and the Fairy Godmother had to push her a little to actually try and catch the Mermaid who by that time almost did a 5k run with lots of cheering around! But finally she was inside the net!  Doremi didn't want to let Zosia leave that easily though - after lots of hugs and kisses she got a question to answer about where she met Doremi. Of course that was Crossfit class so Zosia's last task was to do some sqauts, lunges and jumping jacks before she could get another egg that led her to the next station."

Meeting the fisherman, while still holding some pizza

Chasing the mermaid!

Got her!

We're going to the cinema

The next egg led her to my old apartment, where another surprise awaited: her mom, her brother, Tomek, and Tomek's girlfriend Weronika.  They had told Zosia they were going to a movie, so Zosia was doubly confused.  Her mom played the role perfectly, saying that it was true, that it was nice to see her, but they had to go or they'd be late.  But first they gave the final clue, which led Zosia to the place where she and I first met.

Tomek: "Zosia was very surprised. She didn't even notice the paper ring in the last Kinder egg before she met Tristan in Karmnik. She said to me: "What you doing here?" and after she saw our mum and Weronika, she was shocked but happy. We told her we were going to the cinema so we had to go.  She surprisingly only ate half of the chocolate egg!"

Tomek on his way to a movie

Her mom helping with the next clue

Where we first met

As all of this was happening, I simply waited in Karmnik for Zosia to finish.  Each person posted updates on where Zosia was, with photos, and I was so happy that I shed some tears.  Crying, sitting alone in a bar...it was probably not a good sight.  I was happy that Zosia seemed to be having an amazing time with the quest, happy that we could share it with our friends, and for the moments to come.  In a couple hours there was going to be a surprise birthday party for her at Jack's Cinema, but none of the guests knew what was happening...so I posted a photo and explained that hopefully the birthday party would turn into more than that.  I was so excited that I had to wipe more tears from my face.  Their supportive reaction and comments to my post only made me happier.

When Zosia arrived, I was ready.  Kind of.  I had rehearsed the words a dozen times, but I wasn't sure how to get down on one knee.  We had an elevated table in the window, which is where we sat together on our first date, but it wasn't convenient to get down on one knee!  I had to awkwardly jump down to the floor, and ask her to get down as well, otherwise I wouldn't be able to reach her.  I practiced a few times, and it wasn't smooth at all.  Plus, was I supposed to hold the ring in my hand when I ask?  Or put it on her finger?  Or just hold her hand while she holds the ring?  I should have paid more attention in those dumb romantic comedy films.  Before I could Google the protocol, she ran into the bar, spotted me and started telling me everything that she had seen in the last hour.  "Iza was here!  We have to go back to Glebokie Gardlo!  And there was Andy, we were fighting, and I ate pizza with Alan, actually two pieces!  And Dorota is almost NAKED in the square!  And my mom and Tomek are here, and....WHAT IS GOING ON!!??"  This was all without taking a breath.

If it's awkward to hug someone when they're in this elevated seat - it will be awkward to get down on one knee!

I asked her to sit at the table with me, and in typical Zosia fashion, she was thinking about Patrizia.  There wasn't a seat for Patrizia, and Zosia was worried!  Patrizia didn't want to sit, so she could take some photos, but I couldn't exactly tell Zosia "I'm about to propose, so Patrizia can't sit with us".  She spent a few minutes telling me about the quest, and all the chocolate she ate, and that she wanted everyone to be together right now.  I gave her all of the small toys that were replaced by clues in the eggs she had already found, and she was happy to finally have them.  I thought it was the right time to give her the final egg.  Since she had already found me, there were no more "clues" or challenges.  So I offered to give her the final egg in exchange for the small toys that were in the previous eggs.  But even though the final egg was bigger than the others, she said "NO, I want to keep the toys!"  Uh oh. She looked at the big egg longingly, and I could tell she was considering some negotiation tactics.  She was willing to give 3 of the toys in exchange for the big egg, and I agreed. She grabbed the egg, shook it violently like it was a martini, expecting to hear the toy inside.  I gripped the table in trepidation, knowing the ring WAS packaged nicely in that egg, but not sure what was happening to it in that moment, trying to keep a smile on my face.  She finally opened it, but the bunny who was holding the ring was flipped upside down, so he wasn't dramatically presenting the ring like I had planned.  

Some serious negotiations...

Shaking the last egg

The final prize

It took a moment before she realized what it was.  When I told her it was my mom's ring, she couldn't keep the tears in.  I tried to keep my composure as well, and told a small joke.  It was time to get down on my knee.  I jumped down, asked her to stand next to me, and asked the question.  I don't remember exactly what I said, and I don't even know if she ever said "yes", but everyone in the bar started clapping, she hugged and kissed me, and I guess that meant we're engaged!!  I couldn't have been happier.  The bartender sent us glasses of champagne to celebrate.  The same bartender we had on that first day.

Finally realizing what is happening

Not so awkward after all

Within 2 minutes of saying "yes," she is eating a smore

The others were waiting in the bar next door, so I messaged them to come over, and we celebrated with more drinks (Jay sent a bottle of bubbly from London), shared some laughs and hugs, and took a few photos.  

Hugs for the family

Some bubbly from Jay

Showing off the ring

I'm forever grateful to these guys

Zosia didn't know, but we still had to head over to the "official" birthday party.  She thought we were just going for some dinner at Jack's Cinema, but when 20 people jumped out from the behind the curtains, she freaked out for the 10th time that day.  It was the final surprise on an amazing day, and looking at her smile, I knew I would be happy for the rest of my life.

One final, beautiful surprise

Georgia, the country, Part 1: Tbilisi

August 2-9, 2016

I almost didn't go to Georgia.

As we were passing through airport security, I got the phone call that I'll never forget (link).  After hearing the news of mom's passing, shattered, confused and in shock, sitting on the other side of airport security, I was seconds away from buying a flight back to Seattle as soon as possible.  The only thing certain was that I was NOT leaving on that midnight plane to Georgia (ya, the song is stuck in my head now too). My family needed me in Seattle and I just wanted to be with them.

After a bit of whisky to ease the shock, a McDonald's filet o' fish sandwich (which I ordered because it reminded me of mom), and the comfort and support of Zosia, Jay, and Ash (Jay is famous for his hugs by the way), I called my dad again and decided that I'd continue on the Georgia trip.  I'd still get back to Seattle in time for the funeral, and I needed the therapy that spending time in the outdoors with my friends would provide.  

So I hid my tears in Zosia's shoulder and got on the plane.

I tried to put on a happy face for Maciek and Kasia, whom I met for the first time in the airport terminal, and tried my best to be in a good mood during the trip.  With the constant hugs and understanding from everyone, and an amazing Zosia to lean on, I managed.  The guys could sense when I was having a down moment, and their hand on my shoulder, or simple eye contact which said "I'm here for you" meant the world to me.   I had to walk away from the group a couple times, just to have a good cry, but all of the distractions of a new and interesting country was beneficial for me.  I actually felt that mom would have loved a trip to Georgia.  She loved traveling generally.  In fact, I felt like she was there with me, from the first glorious sunrise the morning of our arrival in Kutaisi.  After the initial guilt of not flying to Seattle, I felt that going on the trip was the right thing to do.  This trip was both with her, and for her.

Mom saying hello on the day we arrived

One of the most amazing things about the trip was the planning that Dorota and Noemi (Doremi) put into it.  They work for a travel company and have some magical talents, so they put together an "official" 18-page brochure with all of the relevant information we needed.  It included daily plans, transportation logistics, photos of the sites we'd come across, ideas for meals and drinks, and even some scheduled fitness.  We just had to give them money.  Anytime they asked for it.  Waaaaaaaaaait a minute.  Now that I think about it, they asked for money all the time!  Kidding, they were great.

After landing in Kutaisi, we bought tickets in the airport terminal for the 3+ hour mini-van ride (or "marshrutka", which is too hard to say) to Tbilisi, the capital.  Doremi were (or was?) already in Tbilisi after traveling in Armenia the week before, waiting for us with open arms.

We saw so many things on this trip that I don't even know where to begin.  Tbilisi was a nice place to visit and I had been looking forward to it for a long time.  I was so excited that I called a couple of my work colleagues to meet for lunch, and found out that the PwC office is in the heart of the Old Town.  I went off to meet them, and planned to join the rest of the group later.  The other guys walked around and settled at a cafe to wait for me.  When I walked out of the restaurant, I saw all the guys sitting just outside.  We had both randomly picked the same place!

It was hot and muggy in Georgia in August, which required several showers each day, but the Pushkin 10 hostel was well accommodating.  We got a big room for all 8 of us, and immediately started teasing Dorota for talking to some handsome guys also staying there.  We actually planned to make a secret music video of a bunch of clips of her talking to random dudes, then use camera tricks to turn the whole thing into a flirtatious love story.  But once she caught on to us, she stopped talking to people.  I hope she doesn't read this or know about our plan, so we can do it to her next time.

One of the themes of this trip is that we kept running into Polish people and places.  It's probably not a coincidence, since Doremi had been to Georgia before and made some Polish contacts.  But we stayed at Polish-owned apartments and hostels, and it seemed that Noemi knew people everywhere.  So of course in Tbilisi, we hung out every night at Bar Warszawa drinking cheap shots of cha cha.

Generally you can walk around all of Tbilisi,. but it's also worth a short ride outside of the city to Mtskheta, about 12 miles away, to see one of the Christian centers of ancient Georgia.  By the way, it helps if you know Russian (or Georgian) if you want to talk to the taxi drivers.

A Georgian street

Svetitskhoveli Cathedral 

Some street next to the cathedral

Svetitskhoveli Cathedral was originally a wood church from the 4th century rebuilt in the 11th century.  It's the burial place of Jesus' robe (yes, his robe has it's own burial grounds).  We heard a cool story about how a pillar in the cathedral was moved by angels during the night, but I can't remember how it goes (it's also what the name of the cathedral means - living pillar).  I was too distracted filming Dorota talking to dudes.  So just imagine a cool story about angels moving a pillar.

Jvari Monastery

View from the top

Compared to Catholic churches, these like Jvari Monastery are more humble, not plated with gold, and somehow seem more authentically old, with stones and fading images. To enter these churches, you have to cover your legs and girls have to cover their hair. They have scarfs and wraps to borrow at the entrance, which I'm sure are super clean.

One important lesson I learned is that in most public toilets, you have to pay to pee.  Well, I already knew this, but there was one very strong reminder.  I used a public toilet in Mtskheta, but there was no attendant, nor a sign saying how much it was to use the toilet, so I used it, assuming it was free.  As I left the toilet, an older lady appeared out of nowhere (seriously, like magic), saying something in a language I didn't understand.  It actually scared me a bit because she appeared out of thin air and started yelling at me.  She could have been putting a curse on me for all I know.  I didn't know if she worked there, or maybe she was a panhandler, or a random church lady walking down the street, or maybe a witch, a ghost or a vampire.  I didn't know what she wanted, so I continued to walk back to the group, up some stairs.  Suddenly I couldn't move forward anymore because she cast an evil spell, freezing my forward progress.  Then I realized she had grabbed the waist of my pants from my back side and was pulling me back down the stairs.  Her hand was literally inside my pants near my butt, holding on to me.  I turned around and basically said "WTF", but it still wasn't clear what she wanted (by now I could assume she wanted money, but physically "assaulting" me is not the way to get someone's cooperation).  I pulled out my wallet and asked her how much, but she turned her head away from me and didn't answer.  I mean, it's not fair to her that I was speaking a foreign language in her country, but if she is supposed to collect money, it seems reasonable that there should be a sign with a published price, or that she could communicate what it is. I looked around to make sure there wasn't a sign referencing payment (nor a sign telling me to beware of ghost ladies who like to put their hands in your pants).  She started pushing me and grabbing at my wallet, which is another way to get exactly opposite of what you want from me.  I started to walk away, having to pry her hands off my pants, without giving her anything.  After cooling off a bit, I thought I should have just given her some money.  Whatever she wanted, I'm sure it wasn't much, but since she grabbed my pants and basically pulled them down as I walked up the stairs, I don't feel bad about my stubbornness.  I saw her somewhere else on the street later on, so it's possible she wasn't actually an official money collector.  Maybe she just takes advantage of people who need to use the toilet, pretending she works there.  Or maybe she's just an old pervert.

Back in Tbilisi we took the funicular to the top of Mount Mtatsminda, where we visited the 100+ year old Mtatsminda Park.  The park is a bit of an institution, having been one of the most popular parks in all of USSR back in the Soviet days.  They have many rides and attractions, plus a nice view of the city.  We rode a couple rides, and several of us blame Maciek for why we got so wet on the log ride. I can't believe I haven't mentioned this yet, but they have a dish in Georgia with eggplant and ground walnuts, which is super good.  At the restaurant Chela in the park, we had it for the 3rd time in 3 days.

After the water ride.  Yes, Maciek is that big. 

Doesn't look like much, but eggplant with nuts is super good

Khinkali is also a must eat

Put it in your mouth all at once, and you look like this

This was called a "Trump Dog".  See it?

I couldn't help but think during the entire trip, what things my mom would have enjoyed here.  She would have gone on the log ride with us.  She would have loved visiting the monasteries, and she definitely would have laughed at my encounter with the crazy lady.

Although I was happy to spend time in the capital, I was more excited about the countryside and mountains.  Our Doremi itinerary said it was time to leave the city, so Noemi picked up the rental van with the steering wheel on the wrong side (which is the right side, ironically), we packed in all of our luggage, and headed out.

Next: Georgia, the Countryside.

Mom

August 2, 2016

"I wish I had cancer, I wouldn't feel so ashamed. When people have cancer, they wear pink ribbons for you, and go on long walks and raise money and you don't have to feel like some kind of social...I can't remember the word." - Julianne Moore's character in Still Alice, on the struggles dealing with early onset Alzheimer's.

I'll never forget the phone call.  After passing through the Warsaw airport security with Jay and Zosia, I picked up my phone and noticed several missed calls from my dad.  My brother had also left a Facebook message asking me to call back.  It was odd that they both needed to talk to me so urgently.  We were on our way to Georgia (the country) to meet some friends, and while Jay and Z (not the rapper) were gathering their things, I called my dad.  His tone was calm but concerned, sad, but matter-of-fact.  He took a deep breath and delivered the news.  My mom had passed away that morning.

July 7, 1948 - August 2, 2016

It's been a few months since it happened, but a wave of emotion grabs me every time I think about that phone call.  And on every trip back to the airport since that day, my eyes involuntarily fill with tears.  I can only imagine what will happen this week when I go back to the airport on my way to Hawaii.  It's going to be strange there without her.  It's still not quite real to me.  I miss her every day; in my mind she is still back home in Seattle, sitting on her favorite chair, playing games on her iPad, or staring out the window towards Mount Rainier.  I feel guilty that I'm thousands of miles away, but my dad and brother are back home, living with a reality in which they see her favorite chair, sitting empty every day.

Haleakala, Maui

I can't pretend to understand everything about dementia...in fact probably nobody does.  I guess there are many different brain diseases which are considered a type of dementia (like Alzheimer's, which Julianne Moore's character dealt with).  My dad's mom also suffered from dementia for several years before her death just a couple years ago.  There's a difference between becoming forgetful as you age and being diagnosed with a physically deteriorating mental illness.  I can't really say it's funny anymore to see an old person get senile and lose their bearings (though sometimes you can't help but make light of the situation)...it could be harmless, but could also be a sign of something really bad to come.

I had been living in Poland ever since my mom was diagnosed, so I didn't notice how things changed day to day, but it seems she was "slowing down" for the past several years.  Doctors were giving her medication and supplements, she was doing brain exercises and trying to stay active, but it wasn't working.  She stopped going to yoga, didn't feel like cooking, and for the lack of a better word, started getting lazy in that she didn't want to do things that she used to.

Mom and Dad in Poland, 2011

Rafting in the Grand Canyon, 2010

In the November 2014, less than 2 years before her death, she started having toilet accidents.  I obviously don't mention this with the intent of embarrassing her; I mention it so people know the reality of what she, and many others, live with, in their final precious years (or months, or weeks).  Jokes about peeing in one's pants have always been part of our culture; I personally love toilet humor.  But I guess these jokes go through phases from when they're not funny (when you're a kid and you're the one peeing in your pants), to being funny (when you're an adult and can say "I haven't done that since I was a kid"), to not funny again (when it's a reality you have to live with for the rest of your life).  She knew the accidents were happening, but couldn't stop it.  Of course she was embarrassed, but after a while, she just laughed when it happened...like "oh well, there's nothing I can do".  Dad had to make adjustments to how he cared for her.  Simply put, she was becoming a child again.

She started moving slower, her conversation was limited to short questions and one-word answers.  But she seemed to still understand my jokes, since she laughed a lot (and of course they were super funny).  This was probably the most noticeable thing for me; she was always in a good mood.  Even with all the internal struggles she was dealing with, especially in the early stages when she was depressed and struggling to accept the situation, she was always smiling.  She was pleasant, obedient and affectionate.  As it got worse, we had to tell her everything she was supposed to do: take your pill, put on your pajamas, swallow your food.  But one thing she didn't need help with was showing affection.  She held my hand more than she ever did before, and dad said that she'd wake him up in the middle of the night, playing with his mustache, touching his face and just staring at him.  She couldn't say it, but we knew how much she loved us.

Mom, Lani and Scooter a long time ago

The other thing that was a constant was my dad's love for her.  He was by her side every moment of the day.  He literally couldn't leave her alone, because she might choke on her food, or wander out of the house.  One night in Hawaii she got out of bed, took a shower, put on her shoes, went outside and started walking towards the car.  Luckily we were awake and stopped her.  Dad cooked for her and fed her, took her for walks, gave her puzzles and coloring books to keep her mind working, arranged countless doctor's visits, and cared for her every waking minute of the day.  He didn't ask for any help; he actually seemed to shelter us a bit, like he didn't want us to see her in this condition.  When her condition started to worsen, he wouldn't let me talk to her on Skype for more than a minute, because she wasn't able to say much back to me.  It must have been tough for both of them to go to public places, like a shop or restaurant, when people tried to talk to mom, but dad would have to intervene.  He did this not only to avoid an awkward feeling for the waiter, when mom would seemingly ignore him or her when they asked for her order, but also so mom wouldn't feel helpless; knowing there was an interaction going on, but being unable to respond.  This must have been very frustrating for her, so dad simply started ordering food for her.

I think this is what Julianne Moore was talking about in the movie - that rather than receiving an out-pour of empathy from others, those suffering from dementia can often feel like social outcasts.  They aren't able to interact with us the way we would expect them to.  Think about the last time a stranger responded to an interaction with you in a way that you didn't expect: maybe they didn't respond when you asked for directions on the bus, avoided eye contact when you made small talk on the elevator, or simply walked past you when you stopped them on the street to ask where they got their scarf...we tend to get frustrated and assume that they are rude or that something is "wrong" with them.  On the other hand, if the person had a visible disability, maybe we'd understand their reaction (or lack thereof).  But when the disease is invisible, we tend to label them negatively, and unfairly.  This was happening to mom on a regular basis, because she looked "normal".  Dad never complained, he never asked for help, and he always kept a smile on his face, no matter how heartbroken he was.  And I'm sure it was exponentially difficult for him since his mom went through the same thing.  We're lucky to have him.

January 2016

Mom in Mount Rushmore

I kept some random notes of the signs mom showed in her decline, which I'd like to share here.  The only thing I can say is to cherish every moment you have with your loved ones, because you never know when it'll be gone.

- She asked me if I knew that our dog Lani died (which was like 10 years before).  It reminded me of when my grandma was visiting and she spent 10 minutes telling me a story about my dad when he was a kid, then finished the story by telling me that we were in his house and that I should meet him.
- I hadn't heard her say more than "yes" and "no" for several days, but there was a time when she spent 20 minutes sitting next to me staring at her toes, then asked me "do your toes bend sideways like this?" It was a silly question, but the fact that she was able to process a thought and ask a question made me very happy.
- When pressed, she could recite her siblings' middle names.
- When we would do something on the computer, she would often stand close and just stare at the screen, waiting for something to happen.
- She would sometimes shovel food in her mouth super quickly, but wouldn't swallow what was already there.  Once my uncle had to perform the heimlich maneuver because she was choking.  We realized we had to watch her when she eats.
- It was really hard to tell friends about it...and then it was awkward because people didn't know how to interact with her.  They wanted to be polite, but after being used to a very social Cheryl before the disease, mom wouldn't interact with them.  She did seem to understand when you talked to her...she just wasn't able to respond.
- When I gave her my hand to help her out of the car, she started to thumb wrestle me instead of getting out of the car, giggling, and trying really hard to win.  This happened multiple times and was the highlight of the day.
- She would sit in the passenger seat of the car, but with half of her butt hanging over the edge of the seat so the door couldn't close.  When we tried to scoot her over, she would just laugh and not move.
- Once she was doing exercises with dad and I went to the fridge to get a yogurt.  She was completely distracted by the yogurt and wouldn't take her eyes off of it, ignoring dad's requests to complete the exercises.  It was really sweet, like a child who wanted a treat.
- At Costco, we weren't paying attention at the checkout line and next thing we know, she was standing on the cashier's side of the counter, hands held behind her back, as if she was supervising the transaction.
- I really liked it when she held my arm while walking.  We had to basically drag her to make her move at a decent pace, but it was comforting that she was holding on.
- And the true sign that I knew she is my mom is that she always laughed when I'd fart.  This is proof that farting IS funny.  When Scooter and I were kids, she never used to laugh at farts, trying to be all serious.  But now I know that she really wanted to.

I will remember her for being adventurous (she had a tattoo before I did, and we went ziplining together), friendly (she treated all my friends so well), funny (she was always goofing around, especially when playing tricks on me on April Fool's Day), and for teaching a lot of life lessons. I still remember when she went "on strike" from taking care of us at home because we didn't appreciate her and didn't do our chores...and ever since that day, I always (ok, mostly) listened to her.

Ziplining in her 60's!

My jumping picture inspiration

When I flew back for the funeral, my dad, brother, and I spent some time grieving with my aunt (who lost her husband a year earlier) at her place in Mosier, Oregon.  It was nice to get out into nature, hiking near Mount Hood and the nearby lakes, just to reflect on things.  The funeral itself was filled with both smiles and tears, and it was very touching to see so many family and friends that we hadn't seen in a long time.

We were so lucky to have all the support from friends and family, from all over the world.  It was comforting to cry in each other's arms.  When I think about all the aunties at the service, when they first approached me, looked at me with disbelief and a crushing sadness, and embraced for a good cry, I still get goosebumps.  I'm so grateful for their love.  The "public" comments on her online obituary, from people that I don't even know, is also much appreciated.  They had a lot of nice things to say.

Hiking Mount Hood with mom on our minds

Mom's service/celebration

Rest in Peace, Mommy

Before I went back to Warsaw, dad gave me a letter that mom wrote to me, years before, "in case something happens" to her.  It was a very powerful and surreal moment.  I had never cried so instantaneously as I did then.  I was actually in a good mood before he told me what it was, and within half of a second, I found myself face down in my bed, pillow soaked in tears.  I still haven't been able to open the letter.  I feel like reading it will be her final goodbye, and I just don't want that to happen.  

Damn, I miss her.