December 18, 2015
5 years is a long time to live in one apartment. And it's a lot of rent to pay to one landlord. And if you're the landlord, it's great stress-free income, not having to find new tenants or lose income during any transition period. So one might say I'm the best thing that happened to Janusz. Too bad he doesn't see it that way.
I'll try not to get too angry while I write this, so I will try to remember some of the great times I had in this apartment along the way. A few highlights:
- The neighborhood and my pirate's treasure chest key
- Parties
- More parties
- Falling asleep to the music from the Barbakan (even the super annoying guy who shouts rather than sings)
- Waking up to the sound of horses walking around
- The annual Catholic pilgrimage that meets at 5am at the church down the street, and the priest on a bullhorn scaring the crap out of me
- Accidentally walking into TV/movie sets on Krzywe Koło
The apartment somehow became known as "Gratis Przekąski" ("Free Appetizers", the name based on one of our favorite bars which closed down), because people were coming over so often, eating, drinking, playing games or watching movies on any given weekend. You can check in there on Facebook if you want. People were so comfortable in the apartment that when somebody rang the doorbell, or asked me if they could get a glass or a plate or a drink, it surprised me. I got used to everyone making themselves at home. At a surprise birthday party the guys threw for me, they came into the apartment on Easter Monday morning, while I was half asleep, and started making breakfast and drinks while I stood there taking a long time to figure out what just happened and why there were 15 people in my apartment at 10am...they knew where all the dishes and utensils and cups were...I was very proud. We've also had pub golf, Christmas parties, Halloween, Thanksgiving dinners, Spicy Girls dance rehearsal, and hung out at virtually every opportunity. Of course this was fine for me, since I didn't have to leave my couch.
The funny part about it, and it's like this at all Polish parties, is that everyone hangs out in the kitchen, no matter what. I tried putting food, music, movies, carnival games, strippers, and a small petting zoo (unrelated to the strippers) in the living room, but people still pack into the kitchen until I'd force them to go out (now I wish the thing about the strippers and farm animals was true). You could say that my kitchen was one of the mostly highly populated spaces in Old Town, per square meter. I even had a party on the hottest day of the year, with at least 60 people (of which I only invited half) in 550 square feet. 20 of them were in the kitchen. Others had to sit in the building stair well because it was too crowded and hot. Let's just say I never had that many people over again.
So with all the fun memories, why was I so happy to leave? Because my landlord is a butthead.
After 5 years of living in the apartment, he not once lowered the rent (though it wasn't expected, you'd think he might consider it since I was a great tenant for him). Plus, he forced me to pay his monthly homeowner fees directly to the administration (probably so he could avoid paying taxes on them), which of course increased every year...but he didn't take this into consideration...he just expected me to keep paying. The gas in the apartment shut off at least once per year (because the equipment needed to be replaced), and I had to always take a shower with the kitchen window open in order for the hot water to not shut off mid-shower (strange, I know, but that's what he suggested to avoid any issues). The trick worked, but opening the window for a shower in the winter does not make for a pleasant exit from said shower. I never complained, paid everything on time, and he didn't have to pay any attention to the place. With all this, you'd think he would be somewhat nice when I moved out.
But on the day I gave him the keys (Sept 29), he was nasty and condescending. And his wife was worse. No nice greeting. No "How was your stay?" or "I hope you enjoyed it here" or "Thank you for 5 years of constant income". They basically just said I should pay for everything. The old wooden chairs looked old and I should replace them, the floor was so dirty that the wife told her dog to be careful where it stepped (this was funny, but not funny), and they couldn't see out of the windows because I didn't pay someone to clean the outside of them. And the best is that the retractable fan above the stove was dirty (which I didn't even know about so I never opened it in 5 years), and he looked at Zosia and said "Why didn't you know about this, are you from Africa?" What a dick. His wife went on to poke her finger in her mouth and pretended to puke and faint because something disgusted her (this was also funny, but not funny). I thought I was on one of those hidden camera TV shows. I mean seriously, of course it wasn't clean enough to rent to the next renters (that's their job), but it wasn't some college kids' messy dorm room. I would be happy to host my parents there and they wouldn't have noticed any problem. These clowns were walking around in their street shoes, tracking around poop and pee and who knows what else, complaining about dirt, so I had no respect for their sense of cleanliness in "my" apartment.
He said the shower had some water stains, so I should pay 1300 pln ($350 to replace the doors), because it should look like it did 5 years ago. He said he spent 56 hours cleaning the place, including 10 hours washing the outside of the windows, so I should pay another 1200 pln for that. Who charges their tenant for washing the outside of the windows anyway? And how is it possible to spend 1 hour per square meter of cleaning an apartment which was already cleaned? He added a few other things here and there, some "reasonable" (like the cost of lightbulbs or a broken towel rack), but some ridiculous (a lock that I put in after this adventure, but he didn't like it, so he made me pay for another lock he liked better; and my personal favorite, a new toilet brush holder, because...well, I don't know). In the end, he wanted me to give him another 600 pln on top of the deposit that he would not return. My contract said I should pay for things only above "normal wear and tear", and didn't mention anything about deep cleaning. There was no damage, and nothing was done out of negligence. After 5 years of a constant income stream, I would have thought he could be reasonable and let this stuff go. What a fool I was. I should have just not paid the last month's rent, which many people suggested....so he could have kept all of the deposit, and I could just additionally pay him for any legitimate charges. I guess I trusted him too much.
To make it worse, I didn't have his full list of charges until 2 months after I moved out. The contract said he should return my deposit or send me a list of charges within 10 days, but he took his sweet time. He would once in a while call Zosia or send an email that gave some details, but it was never complete. Every day for 2 months I stressed and got angry just thinking about him. I still do. I thought about how I could do something back to him, like reporting him to the tax office, or using his email address to sign up for a bunch of porn sites, or leaving a flaming bag of poop on his doorstep. He even asked me to pay him for two utility bills, which I already paid, and told him about. It didn't matter that I already paid them...he paid (again), so I should pay him back. Yea, that makes sense. So rather than argue with someone who can't be argued with, I wasted my time recovering my payment from the gas company, so at least I could be in control of the 116 pln, and could pay him for it when everything else was settled.
Because this was not going very well, I got in touch with the moving company who helped me with the contract to begin with, but they were no help (unless I paid them a few hundred euros to help for a few hours). I felt pretty lost, because he had my money, and seemingly all the power. Even though he is an unreasonable idiot.
Then everything changed: I mentioned the word "lawyer". Suddenly he was super nice, told Zosia he always intended to pay the money back, and was surprised we thought he was some nasty guy. He immediately wanted to meet to settle it, and stopped demanding me to pay him. I asked around and the general consensus is that he probably doesn't pay taxes on any of the income, so with any threat of reporting him to tax authorities, he suddenly became cooperative. A couple lawyer friends looked into the situation, reading the contract and made some recommendations. We were prepared to send a letter to demand payment, until we decided it would be most effective just to meet to settle it. My friend Piotr came to the final meeting with me (on December 18, nearly 3 months after I moved out), and we expected to pay for a little bit, which was fine. I was just happy to see this go away.
He was still a dick, but not as much as when his wife was there. Zosia thinks the guy actually likes me, but he could've fooled me. We only communicate in Polish, since he doesn't speak English, but from everything I can understand coming out of his mouth, he's always irritated, angry, and unreasonable. His body language, tone and facial expressions all say "I"m a big D-bag...deal with it". In case you still can't figure it out, no I don't like him. We agreed on a few things I would pay for, and he gave me cash to settle the rest of the deposit. But somehow he gave me an extra 1200 pln; 12 extra 100 bills. I have no idea how you miscount by 12. One bill would make sense, even 10 could be possible if he lost count of the thousands. But 12? He apparently never counted money in Uzbekistan. Or maybe never counted past 10 in his life. I thought about keeping it just because of karma, but I gave it back. Then I started thinking if he was trying to bribe me not to report him to the tax authorities. But then I just remembered he's an idiot.
Merry Christmas everyone!
5 years is a long time to live in one apartment. And it's a lot of rent to pay to one landlord. And if you're the landlord, it's great stress-free income, not having to find new tenants or lose income during any transition period. So one might say I'm the best thing that happened to Janusz. Too bad he doesn't see it that way.
I'll try not to get too angry while I write this, so I will try to remember some of the great times I had in this apartment along the way. A few highlights:
- The neighborhood and my pirate's treasure chest key
- Parties
- More parties
- Falling asleep to the music from the Barbakan (even the super annoying guy who shouts rather than sings)
- Waking up to the sound of horses walking around
- The annual Catholic pilgrimage that meets at 5am at the church down the street, and the priest on a bullhorn scaring the crap out of me
- Accidentally walking into TV/movie sets on Krzywe Koło
I'll miss this view from my bedroom
My building
Surprise birthday breakfast 2013
Cramped but cozy Thanksgiving dinner 2011
I've gotten several good years out of this guy
Sometimes Santa likes to be on top
The funny part about it, and it's like this at all Polish parties, is that everyone hangs out in the kitchen, no matter what. I tried putting food, music, movies, carnival games, strippers, and a small petting zoo (unrelated to the strippers) in the living room, but people still pack into the kitchen until I'd force them to go out (now I wish the thing about the strippers and farm animals was true). You could say that my kitchen was one of the mostly highly populated spaces in Old Town, per square meter. I even had a party on the hottest day of the year, with at least 60 people (of which I only invited half) in 550 square feet. 20 of them were in the kitchen. Others had to sit in the building stair well because it was too crowded and hot. Let's just say I never had that many people over again.
There's no point in fighting it...people will stay in the kitchen
Unless I force them into the other room for a picture - Halloween 2014
Pub Golf 2013 (?)
With all these parties, there was only one lady who complained...but she thankfully never called the police. During my first party she yelled in Polish at me (I didn't understand a single word), then after she was done with her 20 second speech, she calmed down, smiled and said "Welcome to Warsaw". Another time she knocked on the door angrily and explained "it's not the music or the loud talking...but the guy who is singing is terrible" (she was talking about Ken singing Karaoke). And the best was when she borrowed a chair from me and put it back into my apartment during the evening when I was sleeping (naked)...I woke up with the chair in the kitchen and a plate of cookies on the table, and a head full of horrors about what she looked at (and did) when she came in and saw me.
Ugly sweater Xmas party 2014
So with all the fun memories, why was I so happy to leave? Because my landlord is a butthead.
After 5 years of living in the apartment, he not once lowered the rent (though it wasn't expected, you'd think he might consider it since I was a great tenant for him). Plus, he forced me to pay his monthly homeowner fees directly to the administration (probably so he could avoid paying taxes on them), which of course increased every year...but he didn't take this into consideration...he just expected me to keep paying. The gas in the apartment shut off at least once per year (because the equipment needed to be replaced), and I had to always take a shower with the kitchen window open in order for the hot water to not shut off mid-shower (strange, I know, but that's what he suggested to avoid any issues). The trick worked, but opening the window for a shower in the winter does not make for a pleasant exit from said shower. I never complained, paid everything on time, and he didn't have to pay any attention to the place. With all this, you'd think he would be somewhat nice when I moved out.
But on the day I gave him the keys (Sept 29), he was nasty and condescending. And his wife was worse. No nice greeting. No "How was your stay?" or "I hope you enjoyed it here" or "Thank you for 5 years of constant income". They basically just said I should pay for everything. The old wooden chairs looked old and I should replace them, the floor was so dirty that the wife told her dog to be careful where it stepped (this was funny, but not funny), and they couldn't see out of the windows because I didn't pay someone to clean the outside of them. And the best is that the retractable fan above the stove was dirty (which I didn't even know about so I never opened it in 5 years), and he looked at Zosia and said "Why didn't you know about this, are you from Africa?" What a dick. His wife went on to poke her finger in her mouth and pretended to puke and faint because something disgusted her (this was also funny, but not funny). I thought I was on one of those hidden camera TV shows. I mean seriously, of course it wasn't clean enough to rent to the next renters (that's their job), but it wasn't some college kids' messy dorm room. I would be happy to host my parents there and they wouldn't have noticed any problem. These clowns were walking around in their street shoes, tracking around poop and pee and who knows what else, complaining about dirt, so I had no respect for their sense of cleanliness in "my" apartment.
He said the shower had some water stains, so I should pay 1300 pln ($350 to replace the doors), because it should look like it did 5 years ago. He said he spent 56 hours cleaning the place, including 10 hours washing the outside of the windows, so I should pay another 1200 pln for that. Who charges their tenant for washing the outside of the windows anyway? And how is it possible to spend 1 hour per square meter of cleaning an apartment which was already cleaned? He added a few other things here and there, some "reasonable" (like the cost of lightbulbs or a broken towel rack), but some ridiculous (a lock that I put in after this adventure, but he didn't like it, so he made me pay for another lock he liked better; and my personal favorite, a new toilet brush holder, because...well, I don't know). In the end, he wanted me to give him another 600 pln on top of the deposit that he would not return. My contract said I should pay for things only above "normal wear and tear", and didn't mention anything about deep cleaning. There was no damage, and nothing was done out of negligence. After 5 years of a constant income stream, I would have thought he could be reasonable and let this stuff go. What a fool I was. I should have just not paid the last month's rent, which many people suggested....so he could have kept all of the deposit, and I could just additionally pay him for any legitimate charges. I guess I trusted him too much.
Yea, looks super dirty in there...it would probably cost $500 to clean it
To make it worse, I didn't have his full list of charges until 2 months after I moved out. The contract said he should return my deposit or send me a list of charges within 10 days, but he took his sweet time. He would once in a while call Zosia or send an email that gave some details, but it was never complete. Every day for 2 months I stressed and got angry just thinking about him. I still do. I thought about how I could do something back to him, like reporting him to the tax office, or using his email address to sign up for a bunch of porn sites, or leaving a flaming bag of poop on his doorstep. He even asked me to pay him for two utility bills, which I already paid, and told him about. It didn't matter that I already paid them...he paid (again), so I should pay him back. Yea, that makes sense. So rather than argue with someone who can't be argued with, I wasted my time recovering my payment from the gas company, so at least I could be in control of the 116 pln, and could pay him for it when everything else was settled.
Because this was not going very well, I got in touch with the moving company who helped me with the contract to begin with, but they were no help (unless I paid them a few hundred euros to help for a few hours). I felt pretty lost, because he had my money, and seemingly all the power. Even though he is an unreasonable idiot.
Then everything changed: I mentioned the word "lawyer". Suddenly he was super nice, told Zosia he always intended to pay the money back, and was surprised we thought he was some nasty guy. He immediately wanted to meet to settle it, and stopped demanding me to pay him. I asked around and the general consensus is that he probably doesn't pay taxes on any of the income, so with any threat of reporting him to tax authorities, he suddenly became cooperative. A couple lawyer friends looked into the situation, reading the contract and made some recommendations. We were prepared to send a letter to demand payment, until we decided it would be most effective just to meet to settle it. My friend Piotr came to the final meeting with me (on December 18, nearly 3 months after I moved out), and we expected to pay for a little bit, which was fine. I was just happy to see this go away.
He was still a dick, but not as much as when his wife was there. Zosia thinks the guy actually likes me, but he could've fooled me. We only communicate in Polish, since he doesn't speak English, but from everything I can understand coming out of his mouth, he's always irritated, angry, and unreasonable. His body language, tone and facial expressions all say "I"m a big D-bag...deal with it". In case you still can't figure it out, no I don't like him. We agreed on a few things I would pay for, and he gave me cash to settle the rest of the deposit. But somehow he gave me an extra 1200 pln; 12 extra 100 bills. I have no idea how you miscount by 12. One bill would make sense, even 10 could be possible if he lost count of the thousands. But 12? He apparently never counted money in Uzbekistan. Or maybe never counted past 10 in his life. I thought about keeping it just because of karma, but I gave it back. Then I started thinking if he was trying to bribe me not to report him to the tax authorities. But then I just remembered he's an idiot.
Merry Christmas everyone!
