Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving weekend just finished, and thanks to a bunch of friends that wanted to share in the celebration, it still really felt like Thanksgiving, even though I am a million miles from home.  I actually haven't spent too many Thanksgivings in Seattle recently (been traveling places, such as South Africa, Japan, etc), and even when I've been home, we've gone out to dinner.  So, it's actually been a long time since I've had a home cooked Thanksgiving dinner (Mom, are you reading this??).  So I thought I should have one this year in Poland!

I found out through the American Embassy that the Sheraton hotel was having a Thanksgiving dinner buffet.  Yes, I repeat: I emailed the American Embassy asking how I could find Thanksgiving dinner here. I asked some of my friends here if they'd be interested in going with me, and the pleasant surprise was that many people were. Then I started thinking that maybe I should cook...so I asked if they wanted to cook on Saturday instead.  That conversation turned into "why not do both?", so that's what we did. 

Dinner on Thursday was great.  In the end, due to things coming up, only 4 of the 8 originally scheduled to come to the Sheraton could make it.  Nobody was American, so I really appreciated that they were interested. Dinner was great, and I had my normal 3 full plates, in addition to a "dessert" of turkey and stuffing, followed by actual dessert, followed by more dessert, and another piece of turkey.  Ohhhh, just like the good old days.  The buffet tried to trick me with things like smoked salmon, peas, and some kind of creole rice, but I would not be distracted by these imposter Thanksgiving dishes.  I stuck to the turkey, cranberries, stuffing, mashed and sweet potatoes, pumpkin soup, and some roast beef for good measure.  I even had two leaves of lettuce to top it off, because I am trying to eat healthy.  2.5 hours and the equivalent of $30 USD later, I waddled home. 

Oh, did I mention that I had bought a pumpkin for pumpkin pie earlier that day?  I had no where to put it during dinner, so I checked it at coat check.  Yea, you heard that right. The lady was dressed in a nice suit, taking black overcoats from all the well-dressed people attending a party in the hotel, then I come in and leave a 15 lb pumpkin on the counter and look at her with an innocent smile.  She looked back at me in disbelief.  I tried to convince her with my eyes that this is normal and it's no problem (like a Jedi mind trick).  It worked (of course).  She didn't even charge me an "oversized luggage" fee. Thanksgiving part 1 is a success. 

Let's rewind a little to when I started thinking about what I could cook for the Saturday dinner at my place.  The menu was easy.  Turkey, stuffing, cranberries, sweet potatoes (for some reason I was more for this than regular mashed potatoes), and of course pumpkin pie.  As I looked up some recipes for these items, I realized that there were several key items that were going to be difficult to find.  Such as a turkey, sweet potatoes, a pumpkin and pretty much everything else to make pumpkin pie.  Not only that, but surprise surprise, everything is still written in Polish around here, making it even harder to locate the items I need in the store.  I couldn't figure out how to find "sage" or "cloves" or a lot of other things, so my friend Monika wrote me a cheat sheet, with both translation and pictures of what it might look like. She's saved my life here on many occasions already!  If you have a magnifying glass, you might be able to read this excerpt of what she made for me.

To find everything I needed, I went to about 10 stores, consulted several locals, and was even tempted to buy things online. There is no canned Libby's pumpkin here, but it's also hard to find a regular pumpkin!  In order to make the pie, I had to buy the fat pumpkin, let it hang out for a few hours in coat check, buy a hand mixer and a cheese cloth to drain the liquid out of the puree, a rolling pin, pie dish, and spatula.  Oh, but I couldn't find a cheesecloth, so I used coffee filters (don't laugh, it worked!).  It took me about 10 hours when you add up the time to find/buy all this stuff (I went to about 6 different places looking for a pumpkin), cook the pumpkin in order to puree it, wait for it to cool, puree it, filter it through the coffee filters, mix it, make the crust, bake it, and clean the hot pumpkin juice (and guts) that splashed all over the kitchen. 10 hours and $75 worth of purchases later, I have a pie.  And to think, if Libby's existed here, this would have taken 2 hours and cost $20.  But here it is.  And it was worth it!

Everything else was fairly straight forward (or not).  It took me at least 7 stores to find a turkey, and it barely fit into my fridge and oven.  I have no dishes big enough to brine the turkey in, so I used a cooler, and had to clean the turkey juice out of the cooler in my miniature shower. Nobody sells sweet potatoes, so when I finally found them, they were $15 for 6!  I made the cranberry sauce from scratch, but only after a Polish lady in a shop somehow tricked me into buying them without saying a word of English to me (I fell for the Jedi mind trick).  And finally, the stuffing was done in the bird, even though I have a box of Stove Top with me from SF.  That's being saved for a rainy day. 

Here's all of the food I made. 




My friends also brought dishes representing their culture (Polish, Russian, Bulgarian, etc...)...some great salads, meats, vodka, etc.  My Egyptian friend Seif brought chips and pretzels.  I guess he didn't understand the theme, as I don't think the snacks were of Egyptian background...  Anyway, it was a great meal!

I am really thankful that this turned out to be a good meal, and that my friends here were interested in celebrating a holiday with me that they aren't used to celebrating.  I made everyone go around the table and say what they were thankful for. Overall, we were mostly thankful that all of our paths have crossed in Warsaw.  It's only been 2 months, but I am already starting to feel at home here.  And there's nothing like spending a holiday with some friends to prove it.



By the way, it was also the first snow of the year...

A co-worker talks about growing up in Yugoslavia and how the war changed everything

As a side note, Angelina Jolie is filming a war/romance movie about a couple during the Bosnian war, to be released in 2011.  Should be interesting!
http://www.aceshowbiz.com/news/view/00034895.html

Anyway, I wanted to share this about a co-worker who grew up in Serbia and told this story about her friends growing up and how the war chagned everything. 

Place: Budapest. Setting: Colleagues gathered for Friday drinks. A diverse bunch from the UK, Australia, New Zealand, South America, Hungary and Serbia. All unwinding at the end of another week in a small, cheapish, Budapest watering hole. It is January, 2009 and the global financial crisis has naturally, crept into the conversation, inspiring many anecdotes and much speculation. As expected, the only thing they could all agree on was to disagree about what the future held, so the conversation moved more to trying to work out where we may be going, based on what we had personally seen in the past.

Sanja from Serbia, a generally enthusiastic and positive person, tentatively said: "I am just worried that there might be another war, it feels almost déjŕ vu for me. First comes economic instability, and then national emotions get stirred up and then it's so easy to manipulate people against each other, especially when they feel poor and scared."

Kevin from New Zealand vehemently dismissed such thoughts with the response: "No way that this can happen, people are not crazy, it doesn't make sense…" But Sanja was already thinking back to many years ago when she had heard exactly the same thing. With eyes fixed to the corner above the bar, she began to tell what she remembered:

"It just reminds me so much of a story from 1991 when my country was still Yugoslavia and when I was a 16-year-old kid. It was summer and as I had been doing for many years, I was camping in a small campsite on the coast of Montenegro with my family. Throughout the whole year my sister and I would be eagerly looking forward to the coast and getting together with our usual gang. We had a big, cool crew of kids of similar age from different Yugoslav cities, though mostly from Bosnia and Serbia. We had so many stories that connected us over the years, funny stories, adventurous stories, love stories… we couldn't get enough of each other. During the year we would exchange letters, calls and visits. And finally it was again summer, and we were together, careless and happy. One night we were laying on the beach, each with their list of wishes written down on a piece of paper waiting for a decent meteor shower. We were all excited, staring at the sky, ready to tick off the wishes from our list as soon as the falling stars started to appear. The night sky by the coast was beautifully clear and we were seeing so many shooting stars we had to agree to concentrate and have wishes ready so that we didn't waste a star….We were quiet. All you could hear was the sound of crickets, some far away conversations and music from a radio. The music was then interrupted by an announcement. The war in Yugoslavia had started. There was a serious incident in Croatia . We sat up one by one, slowly, confused, looking at each other not saying anything, trying to make sense of what we had heard. It did not make sense… wait, what were we supposed to do then… and only then… I stared thinking of who was who. Davor – Was he Croatian? Adnan, he must be a Muslim, my sister and I are Serbian and so on. And what does it mean now? Are we on different sides? And then someone said: "This is crazy, it will not spread, and it cannot happen in Bosnia. We come from mixed families, there are Muslims, Croats and Serbs living on the same floor of the same building, we celebrate Christmas and Ramadan together. People are not crazy, it does not make sense!"

“Soon, the war spread to Bosnia and it was the bloodiest of all, probably because there was no sense to it. We, the crew from the beach, ended up on different sides, still caring for each other, calling each other and checking if everyone was alive and if their families were OK. Those conversations tended to keep to safe, superficial topics – How are you? OK, and you? – not going deeper, or crossing the invisible line after which you knew you could have debated who was right, what was really happening and would then be forced to face suppressed anger, guilt, accusations and mainly confusion. When I heard that Adnan's father was shot because he kept a stock of guns and ammunition in the house, the same house we had eaten baklava in the summer before, when my family and I stopped on the way back from the coast, I stopped calling. Those conversations were pointless from then on. They did not make sense anymore, nothing did."

Kevin from New Zealand, who had  dismissed the idea of unrest as crazy, was quiet for few seconds. Then he quietly asked Sanja to write down this story. And she did.

Sincerely,

Sanja Kovandzic,

Budapest

Full album - Sarajevo

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2729131&id=10732812&l=794013d384

Welcome to Sarajevo (part 2)

This is part 2 of 2 of my trip to Sarajevo...

On the Saturday we drove out to the city of Mostar, about 2 hours away from Sarajevo.  This picture is of the countryside on our way. 

We took Jasmina's mom and her mom's friend as well, since they obviously wanted to hang out with me (or maybe it was because they were going out there anyway). The ladies were very chatty...but they didn't speak English, so we couldn't really talk much. Her mom's first words to me were a perfect "Good morning" in English, but no other English after that.  This made me think that I shouldn't assume everyone speaks English, even if they can say a few words.  I should actually feel happy that she would even attempt to say anything in English to me.  Just like me learning Polish, I can say a few words, but I also don't want someone to assume I am fluent just because I can say "Dzien Dobry".  Jasmina said that because of TV and movies being in English there, her mom could actually understand a lot of what I said, but just couldn't respond. Even though we didn't understand each other, I could tell she was a very nice and friendly person, and she even insisted I come back to visit again. She cracked me up when she told a gypsy kid that we had driven all the way from Australia and that he should stop asking us for money. The kid believed her, of course, then told Jasmina what a good driver she was for driving so far.

There were a lot of gypsies in the area - mostly begging (very aggressively) for money.  They run up to you and don't take no for an answer.  Of course, I didn't understand what they were saying, but I know that they didn't go away when I said "no, sorry", shook my head, and kept walking. In case you are wondering, telling them to "talk to the hand" also doesn't work.  Earlier we saw an 8 year old girl asking for a cigarette, which was a bit disheartening.

Rewinding a bit...what I ate for breakfast. The Bosnian coffee was really good, but is known for having "mud" at the bottom. You have to wait for the mud to settle before drinking. I don't really know what the mud is, but it doesn't taste too nice.  It looks like thick creamy tasty chocolate, but tastes more like dirt.  Strange.  I also had some "ajvar", which was a red pepper-based spread that was super tasty and I'm pretty sure it had some crack in it. I couldn't stop eating it; putting it on toast...then eating it on a spoon, and then with my finger.  I really wish I had a tortilla with me.  I also had yogurt and baklava. Jasmina was apalled at my mixing all of these things for breakfast, but it seems like a perfectly normal breakfast to me. 

Mostar still has a lot of destroyed buildings that they need to fix/replace, as the damage from the war is prevalent. In this case, they fixed the bottom, but not the top, which was slightly puzzling.

Otherwise, it was a very beautiful town with a very nice bridge, or "most".

I even jumped off the bridge into the river!!!  Look how high it is!!!  And when I said that I jumped, what I really mean is that I took a video of another guy jumping into the river.  If you look closely, you can see me (him) at the bridge's apex.

For lunch I had another local dish...Burek. It's a long pastry stuffed with either cheese, spinach or meat. I had the meat of course, with yogurt. It was a very simple meal and cost about $3 USD.

This is a Polish cat that liked to watch me eat.  Since you were wondering, yes, Polish cats say "meow-ski." 

Back in Sarajevo we met up with some other friends, went to a Sarajevo Jazz Fest concert (Gerardo Nunez), and went to a couple bars. We apparently saw a famous Bosnian singer, but for some reason I was the only person who wanted to take a picture with him. The girls insisted I not do it though...I guess they don't get as star struck there as I do (even though I have no clue who he was). Jasmina's friend Lejla also convinced me to try Jagermeister and Tonic, which was surprisingly nice.  Well, it tasted nice; not that it was nice to me.  Jasmina and her friends...

The next morning we went up to the Jahorina, the mountains where the 1984 Winter Olympics were held. For breakfast we had these...not sure what they are called, but it's basically like fried bread/dough with cheese and jam. We ate like 50 each, which made my stomach feel nice and not at all greasy.  But they were really good.  I got yelled at for not eating them according to the strict guidelines.  I went for the jam (for obvious reasons), while apparently you are supposed to eat the cheese first. 

On the way back down, we stopped to take some pictures of the city in the valley. This is where my history lesson started.  During the war, the Serbs camped out in these hills, constantly firing into the city (for no particular reason). Jasmina's friend Vanja told me that when she was a kid, she lived in the hills and could see bullets and rockets flying down into the city at night. I can't imagine having a fireworks show every night for nearly 4 years, each night ending with destruction and often loss of life. With all this gun fire, people went "to school" in basements for safety, and had to be wary of snipers as they walked around the city. We saw people "hiking" along the side of the highway, which I thought was strange until Jasmina mentioned that people don't walk through the woods because there are still filled with land mines (yikes).

During the war they had very little food and water, and mostly no electricity. They got humanitarian aid flown in: flour, oil, beans, canned fish, etc - Vanja and Lejla laughed as they reminisced about the foods that they liked, and the foods that were so disgusting even their cats wouldn't eat. They often had meals of bread topped with oil and onions. As in any time of deprivation, there was also a black market.  The sellers would steal from supply trucks and jacked up the prices. With all this happening, the goal was to try to live as normal a life as possible - by singing, reading, and playing to keep up their spirits. They just got used to all the gun fire, explosions, and burning buildings.  I don't know how they did it.  And I don't know how it was so easy for them to talk about it.  I heard that people don't like talking about it, but the girls were very open with me.  Or maybe it was because I am the star of a very famous TV show chronicling my travels. 

Before heading to the airport, we made one final stop; the Tunnel of Life. Seeing this tunnel brought all the stories together and made it even more real. During the war the only area around the city NOT occupied by the Serbs was the airport. However, the airport was occupied by NATO and the locals were not allowed to pass through to the free territory. Besides, if anyone tried to run across in the open, the Serbs in the hills were likely to shoot at them. And since there was an arms embargo, no weapons to defend the city could be flown in. The aid coming in was helpful, but they needed to get weapons into the city for defense, as well as a way to get in and out without getting shot at.

So, they built this tunnel.  It spanned nearly 1,000 meters and was built by volunteers, starting in someone's house (now a museum). It's not built in a straight line, so even after the Serbs inevitably found the entrances, they wouldn't be able to collapse the tunnel via bombs (they didn't know where to bomb). The tunnel was also used to allow the President to pass through in his wheelchair and to let people leave for personal reasons, like school. Vanja remembers leaving the city through the tunnel to go to University (and asked us all not to calculate her age knowing that she was in college during the war).  It's crazy to think that after so many years have passed, she was back visiting (and under such different conditions).

The tunnel is pretty narrow, and was filled with water in most parts.  I don't know where my left arm went. 

Here's the map of the city, with the Serb positions highlighted in red. You can see the only safe way out was to go UNDER the airport, which is where the tunnel was.

This picture shows the tunnel from what was the free side.  This faces the airport (the tunnel goes under the airport), then into the city on the other side. 

Here are some other interesting things I learned...

- Stats say that over 10,000 civilians died in the city during the war, and it is estimated that 50% of people saw someone get killed, and that half the people got shot at at some point

- It's very surprising that the city didn't get overtaken by the Serbs, as they had very few weapons and defenses

- There are 2 main entities in B&H - the Federation of B&H and the Republika Srpska. These entities were basically the sides fighting during the war, but not exactly.

- The names Bosnia and Herzegovina have nothing to do with the 2 main entities. They are more geographical regions than political or ethnic boundaries.

- The "Presidency" is run by 3 presidents - one for the Croats, one for the Serbs, and one for the Bosniaks. Generally, the Serbs are part of Republika Srpska.

- Because of the politics, there isn't much support for national athletics - so even though neighboring countries have a similar population and decent success, the national soccer and basketball teams in B&H, for example, are not very successful.

- They don't really do a national census so they don't raise awareness of the population by ethnic group...I think the idea is that they don't want people to see who has a bigger presence or how things have changed since before the war.

- Whereas it didn't matter before, people now judge each other by their names (since it reveals their ethnicity). They even consciously choose to give their business to certain places that are of similar ethnicity to themselves, and will avoid the others. Does this sound familiar? Seems like the US, went through this not too long ago (and maybe still do in parts).  We should probably take time to reflect on the judgements we pass based on a name or a face or what we've heard about someone or a group of someones, without really getting to know the person.

I hope you found this experience as insightful as I did. It's still hard for me to believe that this war happened basically my entire high school career. Every single day I was complaining about math homework, driver's ed, soccer practice, etc. the people of Sarajevo were dodging bullets and wondering when their next meal or hot shower would be (ok actually, I never complained about math homework).  I hope we all feel lucky for what we have and can learn to appreciate not only what happens in our lives, but also what happens in other peoples' lives that molds and inspires them to be who they are. We, especially as sometimes ignorant Americans, should try to understand more what the rest of the world goes through.

If you want to learn more about Sarajevo and the history there, check our Wikipedia (the all-knowing) or you could even watch some of the movies that are about it:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Sarajevo

http://30for30.espn.com/film/once-brothers.html - the ESPN documentary about the NBA players from former Yugoslavia

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_Man's_Land_(2001_film)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welcome_to_Sarajevo 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Behind_Enemy_Lines_(film) - it's a fictional story, and stars Owen Wilson as an action hero (what?), but it takes place during the Bosnian war

Welcome to Sarajevo (part 1)

Last weekend I was lucky enough to spend a couple days in Bosnia and Herzegovina. I went to visit my friend Jasmina in Sarajevo and we also spent some time in Mostar. Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations is one of my favorite shows, and this trip must be exactly what it feels like for him (except nobody was filming me, nobody wanted autographs, I paid for my own food, and generally nobody cared that I was there). I spent the weekend with a great host, trying local foods, learning about the culture, and asking questions about the history of the city. I had been curious about it ever since seeing Sarajevo in the news every single day in high school. In one of the most educational and fascinating, yet utterly puzzling trips I have ever been on, here's what I learned.

When I first landed, Jasmina sent me a text to "wait outside the building". Being that it was an airport, I thought that I'd have to ask which terminal/area I should wait it, but once I got outside, I understood. The airport is only the size of a small school building, so her text made perfect sense. There's only one place to wait! Within 5 minutes of getting off the plane, I was standing at the curb (including going through passport check).

That night we ventured around the main part of city center, the "old town" and some of the busier parts. Most buildings are recently built, since most of everything was destroyed in the Bosnian War between 1992 and 1996. They rebuilt a lot of the buildings to look like they were before the war, but some of them are newer styles. And as you will see later, some of the "skeletons" are still waiting to be rebuilt.

If you don't know, after Bosnia claimed independence following the breakup of Yugoslavia, Serbian forces (from Bosnia) surrounded the city, cutting them off from the rest of the country. This was part of their attempt to take some of the Bosnian land, and at some form of ethnic "cleansing" and segregation. This is why Sarajevo was always in the news, as they went nearly 4 years being cut off from the rest of the world. It was extremely interesting for me to meet some of these people and hear their stories (more later). This is just a small piece of their history but something so real and recent its still hard for people to talk about.

As a result of the war, many buildings are either damaged completely beyond salvaltion, or with dozens of bullet holes that were never fixed. It's a strange sight to see a side of a building sprayed with bullets, next to a nice new building, next to a large concrete skeleton. People say that the Serbian forces camped out in the hills and for a couple hours a day, would fire into the city, often at women and children. People had to get used to bullets whizzing around and avoiding the sight lines of the snipers. Sadly, it became a way of life.

 

One of the frustrating things for the people there is that it wasn't clear what was happening or why. All they knew is that before the war, there was nothing wrong with Croats, Serbians, and the Bosniaks (Bosian Muslims) being friends and getting along. Ethnicity didn't matter. Yet during and after the war, all of that changed. And to this day, the relationships people have with other ethnicities in the country are still not the same as it was before. As a side note, if you have access to ESPN, there is a "30 for 30" story called "Once Brothers" about two former NBA players Vlade Divac (Serbian) and the late Drazen Petrovic (Croatian), and how they used to be really close, but grew apart because of the war. Petrovic ended up dying in a car crash while the war was still happening, before their friendship could be reconciled. Check out the replay on Sunday, Dec 12 on ESPN (http://30for30.espn.com/film/once-brothers.html)

We'll come back to that later, but first, here's my first meal! Typical Bosnian meals consist of a lot of meat, as you can see. There are many Muslims in the country, so pork is rare, but my meal was beef, veal, sausage, and of course cevapi (the little meat fingers). There was also liver, but let's not talk about that. It was not my favorite. The bread and cabbage salad were welcome side dishes, as was the yogurt, as they counter balanced the richness of the meat. Jasmina suggested sparkling water as my drink to help my stomach digest. Not sure if that worked or not, but let's pretend it did. In total, all this food cost me about $12 USD (and 19 clogged arteries).

After dinner we walked around the city, admiring some of the architecture and bridges. The city is not a big one, and there aren't many big buildings. But you definitely notice a lot of the influence from all the different groups that had ruled over the region...Austrian, Turkish, and Communist to name a few. I don't know much about architecture, but even I could tell the difference. There are also many mosques and churches throughout the city, many of them erected after the end of the war. We also saw the place where Franz Ferdinand (the heir to the throne, not the band) was assassinated in 1914, which led to the start of WWI.

After wandering around, we stopped at a local brewery...and the local beer was actually pretty good. Sarajevsko Pivo, if you ever get a chance to try it.

Part 2 will come a little later, and will focus more on what I learned about the war talking to Jasmina and her friends. Come back for that!

I have never missed Comcast as much as I do now

I was getting used to not having TV since I had gone the last few weeks without it. But let's be honest, I have never been this long (or more than 2 days actually) without watching TV. Here's the story about me trying to get it set up...

At first I didn't even know if it was possible to blog about this debacle of getting TV set-up. It still isn't resolved so I will have to report that later.  This is a long entry, but I hope you will find it amusing, because even after all of this, I still do. 

Tele-mis-communications

3 weeks ago I called a few companies to come set up my internet and TV. I decided on one company, TP SA, because the landlord recommended their internet service. I decided it'd be easier to order TV from them as well.  That happens to be extremely false. 

When I first called them nobody spoke English, which I am actually just assuming since I never got to talk to anyone. The phone options were all in Polish so I didn't know which buttons to press. I tried pressing random buttons to get to an operator, but that didn't work. A friend gave me another number for TP that had an English line. But that didn't resolve all my problems...

I picked the package I wanted online (which wasn't easy). The website is all in Polish, and it won't fully work in Google Translate because some of the packages are displayed as images, not text. But anyway, I kinda figure it out...besides, there is no ESPN or Fox or NBC, so who really cares what channels I get. I just need something to stare at when I'm sitting at home.

I pick the package and give them my address, and they say "ok we'll call you back". I say fine and they call me back, saying that I will need a satellite dish in order to get TV at my place, as there is no TP cable service there. Ok, sounds fine, it will still be cheaper than other providers. The satellite is only $10, and it's mine to keep (Sweet!!).

They say they'll call me in a few days when someone can get to my place to install the equipment. So I wait. And I wait. Nobody calls. So I call them. They ask for my phone number and name, but I am nowhere in the system. Ugh. So I have to "re-order" my package (saying 'package' makes me giggle). I also ask for 3 free months of HBO and Orange sports. They say the same thing: "we'll call you to schedule the install". Ok.

They call me a couple days later and want to schedule for Friday. I tell them that I will NOT be in town that Friday, so Monday would work better. It seems sorted. Until I get a bunch of missed calls on the Friday when I am in Katowice (a town 3 hours away). They kept calling so I finally answer.  They only speak Polish, so we talk in circles:

Them: "Dzien dobry, blah blah TP, courier, blah blah".

Me: "Sorry, do you speak English?"

Them: "Nie (No), blah blah blah (in Polish)"

Me: "Sorry, do you speak English?"

Silence as we both try to magically learn the others' language.

Them: "Click"

I guess he wasn't able to learn my language.

Someone else calls later who speaks English, saying that they can't find my apartment. Wait. In my head I am thinking "why are you looking for my apartment, I told you to come on Monday, not today because I am not in Warsaw?". But I don't say anything because maybe I don't understand what's happening. So I describe where my apartment is, what's nearby and confirm the address. She says "ok we'll find it".

A while later she calls back again. I give the phone to my Polish co-worker, Daga, just to make sure nothing is lost in translation. They talk and then Daga passes the phone back to me.

Them: "What city is your apartment in?"

Me: "Warsaw".

Them: "Warsaw?! You told us Gdansk."

Me: "Uhh, no I didn't. I can't even say 'Gdansk'!".

Needless to say, they couldn't find my apartment because they were in the wrong city (a few hours away). This is fine with me because I wasn't even home anyway. She tells me they are canceling the order and I have to call back and re-order again. Yay.

Success finally?

Order #3 is successful, or so I think. I'm getting good at calling them at least. They tell me they will deliver on a Friday afternoon so I go home from work early to meet them.

One issue that I have is that when people call you, and you don't answer, they don't leave a message.  This is actually fine because I don't know how to check my messages anyway. But I also don't know if I'm supposed to call them back or not. I try calling the delivery guy back after I miss his calls, but he doesn't speak English. So I ask Daga to call him (thanks Daga!).  He comes over, plays with some outlets, leaves for 20 minutes, comes back, and says bye. That's it? He didn't leave anything. No modem, no receiver, nothing hooked up. What just happened? Did this guy even work for TP, or was he just trying to rob me???

I call Daga, who calls him back. Turns out he was just checking that the internet line was set up. I mean, it wouldn't make sense for him to actually bring the modem or any equipment with him, right? It makes more sense for them to mail me the modem and receiver and satellite at a later date, right? No, but I'm that's exactly what they tell me they're going to do. That makes no sense.

Anyway, on Thursday morning I get a call saying (in Polish) that the delivery guy is coming. I'm on my way to work for some meetings so I can't stay home and wait. Why don't they call further in advance? Lukasz calls them back for me and says they will get someone who speaks English to call me to arrange something. The guy was nice enough to take the delivery to my office so I don't have to come home for it.

I get a call in the office that he is outside so I go meet him, thinking the delivery will be a small box. NOPE. When they said 'satellite' they really meant a satellite that I can contact Mars with. Look at the size of it! I guess I am taking a cab home with all this stuff...

I ask the guy how I'm supposed to install it, and he says "you have to call TP SA". Fine, I'm good at calling them.

Then I get another phone from TP. This must be the installation team! The girl didn't speak English, so she strategically passed the phone to another guy, who, umm, also didn't speak English (don't they know by now that every time they call me I still don't speak Polish??).

The guy says "calling for cable installation. Monday morning 8 to 10am". I am pleasantly surprised, thinking I am getting it installed. I say "ok!". But then just to be sure I say "someone already came and checked the internet, and I already have my satellite, so is this person actually going to install it for me?"

"Monday morning 8 to 10am".

"But, I just want to make sure this isn't a delivery of another dish, because I already have one. You should see it, it's huge!"

Silence...then

"Monday morning 8 to 10am".

This is going nowhere.  I just say "fine".  We'll see what happens.

I tell my co-worker, Monika, who thought she'd better call them back to make sure. Good thing she did because they were calling about one of the other two orders I made but hadn't received. They actually were going to deliver more 10 foot satellites! Really? Don't they keep track of who they've delivered to? I don't need it. I don't want it.

Moni volunteers to call around to see if we can get someone to install it. TP told her that since I didn't ask for installation they assumed I would do it myself (because the manual is in English, so it's easy). Gee thanks. They didn't even ask me if I wanted help. I assumed that help was included. I mean, who orders TV service and says "No thanks, don't worry about installing the satellite dish on the roof, I'll do it myself cuz do it all the time." Anyway, this chapter of the story is still TBD...

Trying to laugh it off

As it gets close to the end of the day, I ask my assistant, Agata, to arrange a cab because that's another thing I'm scared of doing. Did I mention it was raining? It was the first day I needed an umbrella since I moved here. And boy did the rain pick the wrong day to come out.

I go outside at 6pm to meet the cab. It's not there. It never comes. I had a missed call so I assumed it was them, but I kept calling the number back and they don't answer. I call Moni, since she's still in the office, to help me figure it out or arrange another cab. She is very nice to help me out, saying that another cab should be there in a few minutes. So I wait. And the rain waits with me. I have the mammoth satellite leaned against my hip, holding my umbrella while the wind blows the rain sideways at me. What a pleasant time.

I didn't want to go stand under the cover because of the fear of missing the cab, as I did the first, allegedly. Plus it will only be a few minutes. 20 minutes pass. My feet are soaked. I can't move. I call Moni back and she calls the cab company. The cab company says they came by but I wasn't there. No they didn't! I'm standing right here! Soaking wet! With a freakin' satellite dish!

Moni calls another company, stressing "he has a giant satellite dish, you can't miss him". Finally, after standing in the rain for a total of 40 minutes, my cab arrives.

The one good thing about this is that I was actually able to communicate with the driver in Polish. Small victories...

He drops me off at the street closest to my apartment that cars are allowed to drive on and I get out. I'm so happy to finally be almost home. I'm soaking wet, tired, and late for meeting some friends.

Then the icing on the cake.

You know what happens to cardboard boxes carrying satellite dishes when they get rained on for 40 minutes? They get soggy. And the bottoms fall out. When you're walking. And everything inside them scatters on the ground 20 feet from your apartment.  In the middle of the street. Yes, it was me in the street with an umbrella in one hand, a bag with the modem/receiver in the other hand, and my non-existent third hand trying to gather a satellite dish and some other "parts". The only words that fit are "good grief".   

It's been a few days and I haven't moved it from where I threw everything when I got home that night.  I am just hoping it magically installs itself. 

Anyone out there make house calls?