I have never missed Comcast as much as I do now

I was getting used to not having TV since I had gone the last few weeks without it. But let's be honest, I have never been this long (or more than 2 days actually) without watching TV. Here's the story about me trying to get it set up...

At first I didn't even know if it was possible to blog about this debacle of getting TV set-up. It still isn't resolved so I will have to report that later.  This is a long entry, but I hope you will find it amusing, because even after all of this, I still do. 

Tele-mis-communications

3 weeks ago I called a few companies to come set up my internet and TV. I decided on one company, TP SA, because the landlord recommended their internet service. I decided it'd be easier to order TV from them as well.  That happens to be extremely false. 

When I first called them nobody spoke English, which I am actually just assuming since I never got to talk to anyone. The phone options were all in Polish so I didn't know which buttons to press. I tried pressing random buttons to get to an operator, but that didn't work. A friend gave me another number for TP that had an English line. But that didn't resolve all my problems...

I picked the package I wanted online (which wasn't easy). The website is all in Polish, and it won't fully work in Google Translate because some of the packages are displayed as images, not text. But anyway, I kinda figure it out...besides, there is no ESPN or Fox or NBC, so who really cares what channels I get. I just need something to stare at when I'm sitting at home.

I pick the package and give them my address, and they say "ok we'll call you back". I say fine and they call me back, saying that I will need a satellite dish in order to get TV at my place, as there is no TP cable service there. Ok, sounds fine, it will still be cheaper than other providers. The satellite is only $10, and it's mine to keep (Sweet!!).

They say they'll call me in a few days when someone can get to my place to install the equipment. So I wait. And I wait. Nobody calls. So I call them. They ask for my phone number and name, but I am nowhere in the system. Ugh. So I have to "re-order" my package (saying 'package' makes me giggle). I also ask for 3 free months of HBO and Orange sports. They say the same thing: "we'll call you to schedule the install". Ok.

They call me a couple days later and want to schedule for Friday. I tell them that I will NOT be in town that Friday, so Monday would work better. It seems sorted. Until I get a bunch of missed calls on the Friday when I am in Katowice (a town 3 hours away). They kept calling so I finally answer.  They only speak Polish, so we talk in circles:

Them: "Dzien dobry, blah blah TP, courier, blah blah".

Me: "Sorry, do you speak English?"

Them: "Nie (No), blah blah blah (in Polish)"

Me: "Sorry, do you speak English?"

Silence as we both try to magically learn the others' language.

Them: "Click"

I guess he wasn't able to learn my language.

Someone else calls later who speaks English, saying that they can't find my apartment. Wait. In my head I am thinking "why are you looking for my apartment, I told you to come on Monday, not today because I am not in Warsaw?". But I don't say anything because maybe I don't understand what's happening. So I describe where my apartment is, what's nearby and confirm the address. She says "ok we'll find it".

A while later she calls back again. I give the phone to my Polish co-worker, Daga, just to make sure nothing is lost in translation. They talk and then Daga passes the phone back to me.

Them: "What city is your apartment in?"

Me: "Warsaw".

Them: "Warsaw?! You told us Gdansk."

Me: "Uhh, no I didn't. I can't even say 'Gdansk'!".

Needless to say, they couldn't find my apartment because they were in the wrong city (a few hours away). This is fine with me because I wasn't even home anyway. She tells me they are canceling the order and I have to call back and re-order again. Yay.

Success finally?

Order #3 is successful, or so I think. I'm getting good at calling them at least. They tell me they will deliver on a Friday afternoon so I go home from work early to meet them.

One issue that I have is that when people call you, and you don't answer, they don't leave a message.  This is actually fine because I don't know how to check my messages anyway. But I also don't know if I'm supposed to call them back or not. I try calling the delivery guy back after I miss his calls, but he doesn't speak English. So I ask Daga to call him (thanks Daga!).  He comes over, plays with some outlets, leaves for 20 minutes, comes back, and says bye. That's it? He didn't leave anything. No modem, no receiver, nothing hooked up. What just happened? Did this guy even work for TP, or was he just trying to rob me???

I call Daga, who calls him back. Turns out he was just checking that the internet line was set up. I mean, it wouldn't make sense for him to actually bring the modem or any equipment with him, right? It makes more sense for them to mail me the modem and receiver and satellite at a later date, right? No, but I'm that's exactly what they tell me they're going to do. That makes no sense.

Anyway, on Thursday morning I get a call saying (in Polish) that the delivery guy is coming. I'm on my way to work for some meetings so I can't stay home and wait. Why don't they call further in advance? Lukasz calls them back for me and says they will get someone who speaks English to call me to arrange something. The guy was nice enough to take the delivery to my office so I don't have to come home for it.

I get a call in the office that he is outside so I go meet him, thinking the delivery will be a small box. NOPE. When they said 'satellite' they really meant a satellite that I can contact Mars with. Look at the size of it! I guess I am taking a cab home with all this stuff...

I ask the guy how I'm supposed to install it, and he says "you have to call TP SA". Fine, I'm good at calling them.

Then I get another phone from TP. This must be the installation team! The girl didn't speak English, so she strategically passed the phone to another guy, who, umm, also didn't speak English (don't they know by now that every time they call me I still don't speak Polish??).

The guy says "calling for cable installation. Monday morning 8 to 10am". I am pleasantly surprised, thinking I am getting it installed. I say "ok!". But then just to be sure I say "someone already came and checked the internet, and I already have my satellite, so is this person actually going to install it for me?"

"Monday morning 8 to 10am".

"But, I just want to make sure this isn't a delivery of another dish, because I already have one. You should see it, it's huge!"

Silence...then

"Monday morning 8 to 10am".

This is going nowhere.  I just say "fine".  We'll see what happens.

I tell my co-worker, Monika, who thought she'd better call them back to make sure. Good thing she did because they were calling about one of the other two orders I made but hadn't received. They actually were going to deliver more 10 foot satellites! Really? Don't they keep track of who they've delivered to? I don't need it. I don't want it.

Moni volunteers to call around to see if we can get someone to install it. TP told her that since I didn't ask for installation they assumed I would do it myself (because the manual is in English, so it's easy). Gee thanks. They didn't even ask me if I wanted help. I assumed that help was included. I mean, who orders TV service and says "No thanks, don't worry about installing the satellite dish on the roof, I'll do it myself cuz do it all the time." Anyway, this chapter of the story is still TBD...

Trying to laugh it off

As it gets close to the end of the day, I ask my assistant, Agata, to arrange a cab because that's another thing I'm scared of doing. Did I mention it was raining? It was the first day I needed an umbrella since I moved here. And boy did the rain pick the wrong day to come out.

I go outside at 6pm to meet the cab. It's not there. It never comes. I had a missed call so I assumed it was them, but I kept calling the number back and they don't answer. I call Moni, since she's still in the office, to help me figure it out or arrange another cab. She is very nice to help me out, saying that another cab should be there in a few minutes. So I wait. And the rain waits with me. I have the mammoth satellite leaned against my hip, holding my umbrella while the wind blows the rain sideways at me. What a pleasant time.

I didn't want to go stand under the cover because of the fear of missing the cab, as I did the first, allegedly. Plus it will only be a few minutes. 20 minutes pass. My feet are soaked. I can't move. I call Moni back and she calls the cab company. The cab company says they came by but I wasn't there. No they didn't! I'm standing right here! Soaking wet! With a freakin' satellite dish!

Moni calls another company, stressing "he has a giant satellite dish, you can't miss him". Finally, after standing in the rain for a total of 40 minutes, my cab arrives.

The one good thing about this is that I was actually able to communicate with the driver in Polish. Small victories...

He drops me off at the street closest to my apartment that cars are allowed to drive on and I get out. I'm so happy to finally be almost home. I'm soaking wet, tired, and late for meeting some friends.

Then the icing on the cake.

You know what happens to cardboard boxes carrying satellite dishes when they get rained on for 40 minutes? They get soggy. And the bottoms fall out. When you're walking. And everything inside them scatters on the ground 20 feet from your apartment.  In the middle of the street. Yes, it was me in the street with an umbrella in one hand, a bag with the modem/receiver in the other hand, and my non-existent third hand trying to gather a satellite dish and some other "parts". The only words that fit are "good grief".   

It's been a few days and I haven't moved it from where I threw everything when I got home that night.  I am just hoping it magically installs itself. 

Anyone out there make house calls?