December 26-29, 2014
When you have a chance to go on a trip with Jessica Schwartz, you have to consider a few things when deciding whether or not to go:
1. If you like funny adventures with an easy going friend
2. If you can put up with countless bad jokes and "That's What She Said" comments, and
3. If you crave unexpected and awkward moments.
I usually say yes, and there are usually stories to share afterwards. So a little background: we met when we both lived in NYC and she showed up uninvited to one of our parties, we've been to Prague together, where she brought a pillow case that had a picture on it of her boyfriend-at-the-time's face, to Amsterdam for Queen's Day, and followed around a random bachelor party in Krakow (I understand how this was fun for Jess, but for me?). Needless to say, something interesting (and/or uncomfortable) always happens when we're together.
So when she told me she and Alana were going to Belgium for a few days, I decided to meet up (since you're wondering, Alana is pronounced "uh-lay-nuh", which I didn't know, so Jess yelled at me for that).
Due to my cheap Wizz Air flights, I had to fly to Brussels Charleroi the night before the girls arrived from Texas. This wasn't bad, since it was just after Christmas and I had nothing else to do (as a side note, I spent a day during the Christmas holidays watching all 3 Lord of the Rings extended movies, and another tackling the Hobbits - I'm sure your's wasn't as productive). Before the flight I thought I was being clever by pre-booking the Wizz Air bus to take me from the Charleroi airport to the Brussels Center, but it turned out that this was not helpful at all. There were several other available buses constantly leaving for the same location in Brussels for a similar price, which I couldn't take, and since my bus was scheduled to leave 45 minutes after I was ready, I got to spend 45 Wi-Fi Free minutes waiting (not to be confused with Free Wi-Fi).
Awkward Moment #1 that I blame on Jessica (even though she wasn't there yet):
I stayed in a hotel in the Center with cheap single rooms, and got exactly what the reviews said - clean, economical rooms in a good location, but with thin walls and bad breakfast. The first thing I noticed was the loud ghost moaning in the room next to mine. The second thing I noticed is that it wasn't a ghost; it was a lady. And FYI I don't think she was moaning in pain, because she was asking for more. It was so loud, it sounded like they were filming an adult movie outside my door. When I went into the hallway, I expected to see a couple naked people outside my door; instead, I heard all the TVs on my floor at full volume, as other hotel guests tried to drown out the ghostly sounds. I wondered if complaining to the front desk that someone is having loud sex was actually a legitimate thing. Instead, I complained to my friend Ryan about it via text, and all he could say was "send me a sound clip".
For dinner I found the narrow pedestrian street with tons of restaurants on it (the Petite Rue des Bouches) that I had been to on my last trip. This street is filled with guys trying to convince passers-by to go into their restaurant, flirting with the girls, and asking everyone where they are from (and then they say "Oh I have a cousin who lives there! Beautiful place!" They have cousins everywhere). At first I resisted their advances, saying "no thanks" to anyone who tried to talk to me (it didn't matter what they were saying to me). I walked up and down the street a couple times, trying to check the displayed menus but avoiding eye contact and moving quickly enough so they wouldn't harass me. Then I realized I couldn't decide where to go. So even though their pleading was annoying, I needed it. The next place with a smiling "hype man" and a set menu with fish soup and mussels would get my business. It took exactly one second before the guy in front of La Belg e Pogue caught my attention. Turns out it was a good choice, as it was only 12 Euros for the soup, mussels, fries and a dessert. I washed it all down with a nice dark Leffe beer, which tasted amazing.
Awkward Jessica Moment #2:
At 11pm the restaurant was pretty empty, except a young couple sitting at the table next to me. The guy was American, who turned around and politely asked me what kind of Asian I am (if you can consider that polite), and if I spoke Chinese. Seriously? Leave me alone. He went on to explain that his girlfriend was from China and that "she really wants to speak Chinese with someone". OK, good for her. Stop talking to me. Who said American tourists are annoying?
Day 1 mussel count: 87
After Jess and Uh-lay-nuh landed, we checked into our Airbnb apartment near the main square and prepared to walk around the city. We got a bit of a scare when the apartment owner said (Awkward Jessica Moment #3) "make sure to lock all the doors and gates, because we've had many break-ins, including one just a few days ago. But don't worry, nobody was killed". Oh, in that case, it's fine. That's not the first thing you want to hear when checking into an apartment in a foreign city. Just to be safe, Alana hid her valuables in random places that burglars wouldn't look, like in the microwave and the toilet bowl (ok, not really).
Surprisingly, after red eye flights, the girls were very energetic. After a couple hours cruising the city, we headed to the famous Delirium cafe for a couple afternoon beers. The place is usually packed at night, so going on a weekday afternoon made it easier to get a table to sample different beers (isn't that always the best time to go for beers anyway?). The beers were all pretty good, and very strong. There were a few with 10-12% alcohol content, which is like drinking a half liter of wine each time. I looked around the bar and noticed that everyone had nice branded beer glasses, while we had old Shakey's style plastic cups. I think they were trying to avoid a potential Awkward Jessica moment by not giving us anything breakable.
Next up was the famous Chez Leon for dinner. Apparently everyone in the world has heard of Chez Leon, so we had to try it. Of course I ordered mussels again. They were more expensive but had really nice broth/flavor options.
This is where it started getting even more "Schwartz-y". Last February when I was in NYC for the Seahawks Super Bowl victory (Go Hawks), Jess convinced me and Ryan to meet her at her favorite bar. So we went, and after a few moments (generally after a guy started rubbing his crotch against my leg), I realized it was a gay bar, and we were the fresh meat. So of course the first bar we found in Brussels after dinner happened to also be filled with well-dressed men with perfect hair and not a misplaced eye-brow. The name of the place gave it away: Homoeroticism or something like that. Bars that I usually go to do not have that name. They let me charge my phone and gave us free chips, so we decided to stay (on the condition that no sausage crotches would rub against my leg - the girls didn't have this condition). The clientele and bartenders were all super nice, so it turned out to be a good time. But of course, leave it to Schwartz to create awkward moments, randomly stumbling into "Homoeroticism". She probably Googled that before we got there.
At our next bar we ran into a group of about 50 people who were in the middle of an organized pub crawl. After Alana tried to get free drinks from them by pretending she was in the group, somehow we were invited to join. Apparently if you try to steal someone's drink, they will just give it to you. All of a sudden we were pub crawling around wet and snowy Brussels with dozens of friendly foreigners. I thought the girls would be tired by midnight, but since they were getting their hard-core flirt on, it kept them going (however, if one of their boyfriends is reading this, of course they didn't flirt with anyone to get free drinks). Since my flirt was not on, and I was hungry again (eating only mussels for every meal is not filling), I decided to find a Belgian kebab and go home. The girls came back a couple hours later, waking me up because they couldn't figure out how the apartment keys work. I guess keys are different in Texas.
Day 2 mussel count: 67
The next day we took a day trip to Bruges and Ghent. I had been to Bruges before, and it was super nice, but I also wanted to see Ghent. The Viator tour was very convenient, taking us on a bus, walking us around the cities, while giving us some free time to shop, eat, and relax with a hot wine. Both cities are quite small, so it didn't take much time to see them. The guide shared a lot of info about the cities, though it was hard to hear him at times. I think his voice was tired because he speaks 8 languages, which makes me feel like a failure not being able to speak Polish fluently (or even half-fluently). By the way, if you haven't seen the movie In Bruges, definitely watch it!
Ghent had very nice Christmas markets all over the city and a giant cathedral that compares to any I have seen in Europe. I was very impressed with the small town and would definitely recommend a visit to anyone in the area. There were perfectly clear skies, but it was bone chilling cold, which also meant we got to enjoy the inside of bar tent to keep warm. We tried a couple other local dishes for lunch (Flanders beef stew and waterzooi) before smelling/drooling over/buying chocolate and heading back to Brussels. Dinner was at another one of the places with annoying guys out front, and then we had a pretty relaxed evening (with 2 Euro pints of beer) after a long day.
Day 3 mussels count: 61 (the serving sizes were getting smaller every day!)
The girls left for Paris in the morning, but I had an evening flight back, so I took the train to Antwerp. I didn't have much luggage so I just carried it around the city. It was simple to take the train from Brussels, and the Antwerp city center was very easy to navigate from the train station. I only needed a few hours to wander around the main pedestrian areas, squares, Christmas markets (although they were taking them down) and the little castle on the riverside. I also granted Jess's wish and twerked in the main square, or "Antwerked", if you will. This could probably count as another Awkward Jessica Moment, since everyone in the square stared at me as I put my camera on self-timer 20 times, shaking my butt and making a duck face, trying to get a "decent picture".
I planned on eating more mussels to get my total up to 300, but when I saw a restaurant serving stuffed waffle sandwiches, my whole world changed. They wrap the ingredients of the sandwich inside the waffle dough, making a big ball. Then they put it in the waffle maker for a few minutes, and viola, you have a stuffed waffle. Mine had chicken and carmelized sweet onions, and it was amazing. The combination of the slightly sweet and crunchy waffle, with soft dough inside, and the hearty filling was perfect. I stayed at the restaurant for an extra 30 minutes, hoping to get hungry enough to order another one. Unfortunately it didn't happen so I headed back to Brussels to catch my flight home, happy with the counts of both mussels and Awkward Jessica Moments.
Day 4 mussel count: 0. But there was one amazing stuffed waffle sandwich.
Total mussels: 215.
When you have a chance to go on a trip with Jessica Schwartz, you have to consider a few things when deciding whether or not to go:
1. If you like funny adventures with an easy going friend
2. If you can put up with countless bad jokes and "That's What She Said" comments, and
3. If you crave unexpected and awkward moments.
I usually say yes, and there are usually stories to share afterwards. So a little background: we met when we both lived in NYC and she showed up uninvited to one of our parties, we've been to Prague together, where she brought a pillow case that had a picture on it of her boyfriend-at-the-time's face, to Amsterdam for Queen's Day, and followed around a random bachelor party in Krakow (I understand how this was fun for Jess, but for me?). Needless to say, something interesting (and/or uncomfortable) always happens when we're together.
So when she told me she and Alana were going to Belgium for a few days, I decided to meet up (since you're wondering, Alana is pronounced "uh-lay-nuh", which I didn't know, so Jess yelled at me for that).
Due to my cheap Wizz Air flights, I had to fly to Brussels Charleroi the night before the girls arrived from Texas. This wasn't bad, since it was just after Christmas and I had nothing else to do (as a side note, I spent a day during the Christmas holidays watching all 3 Lord of the Rings extended movies, and another tackling the Hobbits - I'm sure your's wasn't as productive). Before the flight I thought I was being clever by pre-booking the Wizz Air bus to take me from the Charleroi airport to the Brussels Center, but it turned out that this was not helpful at all. There were several other available buses constantly leaving for the same location in Brussels for a similar price, which I couldn't take, and since my bus was scheduled to leave 45 minutes after I was ready, I got to spend 45 Wi-Fi Free minutes waiting (not to be confused with Free Wi-Fi).
Awkward Moment #1 that I blame on Jessica (even though she wasn't there yet):
I stayed in a hotel in the Center with cheap single rooms, and got exactly what the reviews said - clean, economical rooms in a good location, but with thin walls and bad breakfast. The first thing I noticed was the loud ghost moaning in the room next to mine. The second thing I noticed is that it wasn't a ghost; it was a lady. And FYI I don't think she was moaning in pain, because she was asking for more. It was so loud, it sounded like they were filming an adult movie outside my door. When I went into the hallway, I expected to see a couple naked people outside my door; instead, I heard all the TVs on my floor at full volume, as other hotel guests tried to drown out the ghostly sounds. I wondered if complaining to the front desk that someone is having loud sex was actually a legitimate thing. Instead, I complained to my friend Ryan about it via text, and all he could say was "send me a sound clip".
For dinner I found the narrow pedestrian street with tons of restaurants on it (the Petite Rue des Bouches) that I had been to on my last trip. This street is filled with guys trying to convince passers-by to go into their restaurant, flirting with the girls, and asking everyone where they are from (and then they say "Oh I have a cousin who lives there! Beautiful place!" They have cousins everywhere). At first I resisted their advances, saying "no thanks" to anyone who tried to talk to me (it didn't matter what they were saying to me). I walked up and down the street a couple times, trying to check the displayed menus but avoiding eye contact and moving quickly enough so they wouldn't harass me. Then I realized I couldn't decide where to go. So even though their pleading was annoying, I needed it. The next place with a smiling "hype man" and a set menu with fish soup and mussels would get my business. It took exactly one second before the guy in front of La Belg e Pogue caught my attention. Turns out it was a good choice, as it was only 12 Euros for the soup, mussels, fries and a dessert. I washed it all down with a nice dark Leffe beer, which tasted amazing.
Main square in Brussels
Awkward Jessica Moment #2:
At 11pm the restaurant was pretty empty, except a young couple sitting at the table next to me. The guy was American, who turned around and politely asked me what kind of Asian I am (if you can consider that polite), and if I spoke Chinese. Seriously? Leave me alone. He went on to explain that his girlfriend was from China and that "she really wants to speak Chinese with someone". OK, good for her. Stop talking to me. Who said American tourists are annoying?
Day 1 mussel count: 87
After Jess and Uh-lay-nuh landed, we checked into our Airbnb apartment near the main square and prepared to walk around the city. We got a bit of a scare when the apartment owner said (Awkward Jessica Moment #3) "make sure to lock all the doors and gates, because we've had many break-ins, including one just a few days ago. But don't worry, nobody was killed". Oh, in that case, it's fine. That's not the first thing you want to hear when checking into an apartment in a foreign city. Just to be safe, Alana hid her valuables in random places that burglars wouldn't look, like in the microwave and the toilet bowl (ok, not really).
Surprisingly, after red eye flights, the girls were very energetic. After a couple hours cruising the city, we headed to the famous Delirium cafe for a couple afternoon beers. The place is usually packed at night, so going on a weekday afternoon made it easier to get a table to sample different beers (isn't that always the best time to go for beers anyway?). The beers were all pretty good, and very strong. There were a few with 10-12% alcohol content, which is like drinking a half liter of wine each time. I looked around the bar and noticed that everyone had nice branded beer glasses, while we had old Shakey's style plastic cups. I think they were trying to avoid a potential Awkward Jessica moment by not giving us anything breakable.
Next up was the famous Chez Leon for dinner. Apparently everyone in the world has heard of Chez Leon, so we had to try it. Of course I ordered mussels again. They were more expensive but had really nice broth/flavor options.
Mussels in Brussels
I can't help but do this
This is where it started getting even more "Schwartz-y". Last February when I was in NYC for the Seahawks Super Bowl victory (Go Hawks), Jess convinced me and Ryan to meet her at her favorite bar. So we went, and after a few moments (generally after a guy started rubbing his crotch against my leg), I realized it was a gay bar, and we were the fresh meat. So of course the first bar we found in Brussels after dinner happened to also be filled with well-dressed men with perfect hair and not a misplaced eye-brow. The name of the place gave it away: Homoeroticism or something like that. Bars that I usually go to do not have that name. They let me charge my phone and gave us free chips, so we decided to stay (on the condition that no sausage crotches would rub against my leg - the girls didn't have this condition). The clientele and bartenders were all super nice, so it turned out to be a good time. But of course, leave it to Schwartz to create awkward moments, randomly stumbling into "Homoeroticism". She probably Googled that before we got there.
At our next bar we ran into a group of about 50 people who were in the middle of an organized pub crawl. After Alana tried to get free drinks from them by pretending she was in the group, somehow we were invited to join. Apparently if you try to steal someone's drink, they will just give it to you. All of a sudden we were pub crawling around wet and snowy Brussels with dozens of friendly foreigners. I thought the girls would be tired by midnight, but since they were getting their hard-core flirt on, it kept them going (however, if one of their boyfriends is reading this, of course they didn't flirt with anyone to get free drinks). Since my flirt was not on, and I was hungry again (eating only mussels for every meal is not filling), I decided to find a Belgian kebab and go home. The girls came back a couple hours later, waking me up because they couldn't figure out how the apartment keys work. I guess keys are different in Texas.
Day 2 mussel count: 67
The next day we took a day trip to Bruges and Ghent. I had been to Bruges before, and it was super nice, but I also wanted to see Ghent. The Viator tour was very convenient, taking us on a bus, walking us around the cities, while giving us some free time to shop, eat, and relax with a hot wine. Both cities are quite small, so it didn't take much time to see them. The guide shared a lot of info about the cities, though it was hard to hear him at times. I think his voice was tired because he speaks 8 languages, which makes me feel like a failure not being able to speak Polish fluently (or even half-fluently). By the way, if you haven't seen the movie In Bruges, definitely watch it!
Bruges center
Watch the movie!
Ghent had very nice Christmas markets all over the city and a giant cathedral that compares to any I have seen in Europe. I was very impressed with the small town and would definitely recommend a visit to anyone in the area. There were perfectly clear skies, but it was bone chilling cold, which also meant we got to enjoy the inside of bar tent to keep warm. We tried a couple other local dishes for lunch (Flanders beef stew and waterzooi) before smelling/drooling over/buying chocolate and heading back to Brussels. Dinner was at another one of the places with annoying guys out front, and then we had a pretty relaxed evening (with 2 Euro pints of beer) after a long day.
Day 3 mussels count: 61 (the serving sizes were getting smaller every day!)
I think the chef ate half of my lunch
Cathedral in Ghent
Inside the Cathedral
The girls left for Paris in the morning, but I had an evening flight back, so I took the train to Antwerp. I didn't have much luggage so I just carried it around the city. It was simple to take the train from Brussels, and the Antwerp city center was very easy to navigate from the train station. I only needed a few hours to wander around the main pedestrian areas, squares, Christmas markets (although they were taking them down) and the little castle on the riverside. I also granted Jess's wish and twerked in the main square, or "Antwerked", if you will. This could probably count as another Awkward Jessica Moment, since everyone in the square stared at me as I put my camera on self-timer 20 times, shaking my butt and making a duck face, trying to get a "decent picture".
Diamond shops everywhere
Antwerp
Castle on the river
Antwerkin
I planned on eating more mussels to get my total up to 300, but when I saw a restaurant serving stuffed waffle sandwiches, my whole world changed. They wrap the ingredients of the sandwich inside the waffle dough, making a big ball. Then they put it in the waffle maker for a few minutes, and viola, you have a stuffed waffle. Mine had chicken and carmelized sweet onions, and it was amazing. The combination of the slightly sweet and crunchy waffle, with soft dough inside, and the hearty filling was perfect. I stayed at the restaurant for an extra 30 minutes, hoping to get hungry enough to order another one. Unfortunately it didn't happen so I headed back to Brussels to catch my flight home, happy with the counts of both mussels and Awkward Jessica Moments.
It looks like a normal waffle
But there is tasty goodness inside
Day 4 mussel count: 0. But there was one amazing stuffed waffle sandwich.
Total mussels: 215.
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